CAN’T STOP SLEEPING WITH MY EX

Dear Pastor,

I love the advice you give. I listen to you every night and I love reading your column in the newspaper. I am 18 years old and I used to have a boyfriend.

I had been talking to a guy from my first year in high school. I moved to another area to live and we lost contact. One day I was on the road and I saw him again.

We exchanged numbers and we started to communicate again. Every time I went to visit a family member, this guy would pick me up and take me back home.

I stopped going back and forth, so I started permanently living with a family member. This guy used to visit me late at nights when everyone was asleep.

I usually left with him and would come back early the following morning, until I stopped doing so and started living with him. Few months after, I became pregnant with twins.

But I had a miscarriage. Before I had the miscarriage, we used to argue a lot because I found out that he was communicating with other girls, and yet when

I was on my phone, he would argue with me. So one night we had a massive fight that caused us to break up our relationship, and since then I cannot find myself loving anyone apart from him.

We have continued to have sex although we are not together. I really need your advice.

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

This guy should have tried to help you. He should not have encouraged you to sneak out of the house where you were living and take you back home before your relatives woke up.

If he meant you any good, he would have introduced himself to your relatives and be in a position to visit you and to take you out from time to time. He did not treat you as a lady. Neither did he encourage you to behave as a lady. In other words, he did not see you as a good woman. You were just an ordinary girl as far as he was concerned. He did not show you love when you got pregnant. He did not respect you, and that is why even during your pregnancy he was going with other women.

When you had the miscarriage you needed him more than any other time because that was a trying time for you. You needed comfort and encouragement; he should not have laid his hands on you.

You say that both of you broke up but both of you are still having sex because you still love him. I pity you. You have to be determined not to allow this man to continue to use you.

You have to realise that you need an education and that you are not going to get a good job without an education or a skill.

This man will always have sex with you and may even get you pregnant again if you behave as if you cannot do without him. I don’t know where you are living now but you should not live with him. If it is at all possible, go back to your relatives and behave yourself.

May I further suggest that you contact HEART/NSTA Trust after you have decided what you want to study; they will take you and train you at whatever level you are now. I wish you well. Please write to me again.

Pastor.