In love with a man nearly three times my age

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I have a boyfriend who is 51. I know you are going to say that he is too old for me. I have liked this man from I was 16.

My parents were very poor and they were not able to send me to school every day. But I got to know this man, who is living with his children’s mother, and she knows me, too.

I used to go by their home on Saturdays and help her to wash and she would give me money. The man would give me, too. He told me I should not let her know how much he gave me.

He used to say that whenever I needed anything I should tell him, so I did. One day, he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him yes, but he was not working. He said that was all right. One day my boyfriend wanted us to go out and I said no. He asked me why and I told him I was going by this man to help them wash, and to comb the woman’s hair.

My boyfriend told me it was okay to comb the woman’s hair, but I should not be washing his dirty clothes. He told me not to go back, but I kept going back.

My boyfriend took my virginity, but I regret that because he hardly gives me anything. But he always wants us to have sex. When I asked him why he didn’t give me any money, he told me it was because I didn’t ask. I took the chance and had sex with the older man, and when I was leaving, he gave me $5,000 and apologised because he did not have more to give me.

I love this man very much. I told my mother about him and she told me to be careful that bad luck does not follow me because he is already taken. I don’t know what to do because I think about him every day. Since he and I got together, I have never gone hungry. Do you think my age makes a difference? What is the use of having a younger man as my boyfriend if he doesn’t give me anything? This 51-year-old man takes care of me. I am looking out for your advice.

B.F.

Dear B.F.,

I want to suggest that you listen to your mother. I think you should consider what your mother told you and end the relationship with this man. What your mother is trying to say to you is something like this: How would you feel as a woman to be living with a man with whom you have children and for that man to become sexually involved with a girl your age?

Some people would say that the woman’s ‘eye water’ would fall on you, and bad luck would take over and follow you.

So your mother does not want bad luck to follow you, because although this man’s children are not aware that you are having an affair with him, if they should find out, their mother might not want to see you. She might stop you from coming to the house. I know you are poor, but I don’t believe that you have to take another woman’s man to progress in life.

Young women fall in love with older men all the time, and older men take delight to have younger women. But right now you are robbing what this man’s children should have.

He is 51. He has taken you on as a lover and his children are his responsibility. I want you to think of the cost that he will have to bear. So here’s what I want you to do.

Tell this man that you appreciate him, but you know that the relationship cannot continue because it is not fair to him, his children’s mother, and to you.

Therefore, you would like to go back to school, preferably HEART/NSTA Trust, and get some type of training so that you will be able to support yourself.

I commend you for talking to your mother about your love affair. She is a good mother because she is not encouraging you to continue to have an intimate relationship with this man.

Listen to her and do what is right.

Pastor