This woman makes me ‘go down’

Dear Pastor,

I’m having a problem and I am glad you are around. I’m in my late 40s and I have a woman friend. She is 55 years old. She lost her husband five years ago.

Everything is going well between the both of us, but she always compares me with her late husband. She wants me to help her do housework such as cleaning, and even washing on Saturdays. I told her we can get a dayworker to do the washing and she could clean. She said we don’t have to do that. We can do it ourselves and save money.

Since I have been with this woman, I can’t even go out with my friends to play dominoes and I am not accustomed to that. I have three children and she doesn’t want them to visit me.

She said I have spoiled my daughter. I have to hide and give my daughter money and I don’t like that. The first time I gave my daughter money in her presence, she asked me about it.

I told her she was my daughter, and she said she was old enough to get a job and support herself. Pastor, my daughter is a student at UTech, Jamaica, and she needs my help from time to time; I shouldn’t have to hide to give her money. This woman is very good to me. She was a friend of my ex-girlfriend. But

I am having second thoughts about her.

When it comes to the bedroom business, she has my head spinning around. All the years I have had women, none of them were able to get me to ‘go down’ on them, but she has been successful in getting me to do that. Sometimes I wonder if she has ‘tied’ me to her, because although I say no to a lot of things that she wants me to do, I find myself doing them.

Do you believe a woman can tie a man?

Dear C.S.,

Does the house in which you live with this woman belong to you? If the answer is in the affirmative, then you have to put your foot down and let this woman know that your children are a part of you and they should be able to visit you at any time.

She should not try to do anything to cause your children to feel uncomfortable at your house. In fact, she should welcome them and even entertain them when they visit.

Concerning you giving your daughter money, she should encourage that because your daughter needs help. She is a student and you should do your best to support her.

You consider this woman you are living with to be a good woman. I would say she has serious shortcomings. Perhaps you love her because she is good in the bedroom.

But you know that you face real challenges with her. Why do you allow her to tell you that you should help her to wash and to clean when you have made a suggestion that a dayworker can be employed to do these things?

This woman has cut your social life. Every man needs time to play his dominoes and his cricket and to watch sports on TV. You need to cut out this nonsense about this woman tying you.

But some people, after reading your letter, might agree with you. However, if you really mean that she ties you by going to an obeah man or madam, I don’t believe that nonsense.

Pastor