Mom thinks my babyfather and I could be related

Dear Pastor,

I am a 30-year-old woman and I have two children for two different men. The first child’s father went away, and he does not support him. My second child’s father and I started a relationship and I moved in with him. He didn’t have children, but he told me anytime I became pregnant for him, he would marry me.

My mother keeps my first child for me but every Friday I go for him and bring him where I am because

I am working. My mother is a basic-school teacher. My boyfriend loves him. My boyfriend is a hard worker. Apart from his regular work, he likes farming. He is 41 years old and I don’t have any trouble with him and other women.

When my last child was born, I asked my mother if she could take the child to her church to be christened; she said yes. I did not want to take her to the church

I used to attend and where I christened my son because I would be embarrassed to have two children out of wedlock to be christened there and the people at the church know me. When I gave my mother the information of the child and his father, she saw that the father’s surname and my surname are the same and she asked why I got involved with a man with the same surname as mine.

She said he could be my relative. I told her that we were not related. She said that she would like to know more about that. The argument ended there. My boyfriend and I are planning to get married; we have set a date. My mother is discouraging me from getting married to him. She is still insisting that I might be marrying my cousin.

Every day she condemns me for living with this man because our surnames are the same. That is the reason I am writing to you. I am asking for your advice.

N.T.

Dear N.T.,

You are an intelligent young woman. It is not unusual for couples with the same surname to fall in love and they are not related at all. I am sure that by now you have done your checking.

You cannot trace any close connection to the man’s side and to your side and that is what I think you would have done. For example, can your mother show you on your side that your father is related to this man’s grandparents? And even if both of you were to discover that you are related by many generations, I would say to you that should not stop you from tying the knot. I think your mother is just trying to be very miserable. So, you may respectfully disagree with your mother and marry your child’s father.

Pastor