Want to leave my deportee boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship with a man for five years. We do not have children together. I have a son from a previous relationship. He says that he has four children.

After being with him for three years, I found out that he was a deportee. When I asked him about it, he denied it and then admitted it. I stayed with him. He has ambition and he is trying to establish himself again.

This man does not like to discuss his past with me. I told him that he and I cannot get married because I cannot marry a man who has things in his closet that he doesn’t want to tell a woman about. But I have a deeper problem now because my son’s father who has been supporting him is now asking me to marry him and this deportee is in my life. I told him about my child’s father and he said I can’t leave him. My son and I are living in my parents’ home.

My son’s father, when he left me, got married to another woman. But in three years that marriage broke up and now he wants to marry me. I have always loved him, and I know more about him than this deportee. I care about this guy, but I love my son’s father. But how to get out of this relationship is my biggest problem, so I am seeking your advice.

C.T.

Dear C.T.,

Talk to this man straight. Tell him that you love him, but you have to move on. Tell him that you believe that he has to look for another woman and that you are inclined to accept the proposal from the father of your child. Tell him that you see a brighter future for your son and yourself if you were to marry your child’s father.

This man has told you that you can’t leave him. Yes, you can. Stop entertaining him and stop going out with him. It might be tough for him, but he will get the message. I wish you well.

Pastor

Dear G.R.,

This man thought you were a simple girl who would be willing to go to bed with him at the snap of his finger. You disappointed him. He wanted you to prostitute yourself, but you kept your dignity. Unfortunately, you are now pregnant, and because the man who got you pregnant is not working, you think you have made a mistake by not getting sexually involved with the foreigner. The foreigner says that he would assist you. If he offers financial help to you, of course you should take it, but there should be no strings attached, so to speak. You should not give him the impression at all that you want to have an intimate relationship with him to get to America.

Pastor