I am not enjoying my married life

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and I recently got married to a 60-year-old man. This is my first marriage, but my husband’s second. He has two children and is a divorcee.

When we started our relationship, I did not want to live at the house where he and his wife used to live. I told him he could come and live at my house. My father helped me to buy this house and I do not owe any money on it. My house is located on a corner lot. My husband wouldn’t even cut the little lawn that I have, or trim the fence. He does not help me in anyway at all and when we are in bed, he tells me that I lie down like someone that is dead.

Sometimes he would tell me that after his wife died, some of her girlfriends tried to get him to be friendly with them, and to go to bed with them. He has a bank account and his two daughters are joint account holders. He wants me to put his name on my bank account and I told him no, and he is upset over that. I am not enjoying my married life. I should have remained single. I try not to fuss with him, but I cannot call him a good man.

E.

Dear E.,

This man is 60 years old and I am sure you expect better of him as a spouse. He is a lazy man, he wants a lot out of the relationship and he is not willing to contribute much. You shouldn’t have to tell him to trim the hedges or mow the lawn, he should just do these things.

He is behaving as if he is in the relationship to get what he can. However, I suggest that you tell him that you are fed up with him and that you would like for the both of you to go to a family counsellor to see if your relationship can improve. Please don’t make the mistake to add this man’s name to your account, because he cannot be trusted.

Pastor