My husband is convinced that I’m cheating

Dear Pastor,

I am having some problems in my relationship. I am 35 years old. I have two children but they are not for my husband. My husband has accused me of cheating but I have never cheated on him. We have had many arguments about it, and I have complained to my pastor and have gone in to see him. My husband denied that he had accused me of cheating. He told the pastor that I pushed him away often when he wanted to make love to me and he only asked me whether I was cheating because of the way that I behaved. My pastor asked me if I had another man in my life and I told him no. Pastor, let me tell you why my husband is saying these things.

My husband is not always able to maintain an erection and that frustrates him. He is worried that because I am much younger than him, I may have a man on the side. But I have never cheated. One day my boss saw me crying and called me into his office and he asked me what was wrong. I confided in him and told him about my husband’s problem. After I told him, I realised that I had made a mistake by telling him what was happening at home. He has tried his very best to get me to go to bed with him after he found out about my husband’s problem. But I have always turned him down. I could swear on the Bible that I have never gone with another man since meeting my husband. I hope my husband will see your answer and stop harassing me about having another man. I would even love to have another child but the way things are going with my husband, he may never be able to get me pregnant.

T.R.

Dear T.R.,

Firstly, I am sure that you have already assured your husband that you are not cheating. However I would suggest that you accompany your husband to see a doctor and to ascertain what is happening to him or what is causing him to have the problem. There are many causes of erectile dysfunction. Some are psychological while others are physical. Depression and stress sometimes play a major role in erectile problems. When a man is deeply stressed or depressed, he might not function very well sexually. If he is suffering from diabetes or experiencing a nervous breakdown, that can also contribute to his problem. If he is having heart problems or if he has suffered from heart problems, the fear of sex will cause him to have another heart problem. Even the type of medication a man may be taking can cause him to have erectile problems. So I am asking you to take control of your husband. See that he goes to a doctor. In fact, take him to a doctor and tell the doctor exactly what you have observed and I am sure the doctor will try to help him. Please write to me again because I would like to know whether this man continues to suffer from erectile problems and whether your relationship has improved.

Pastor