I’m investing in my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

Pastor, I am 28 years old and I have a boyfriend who is younger than I am. He is 25 years old. I have one child. He does not have any. My child’s father is helping to pay my rent. In fact, what he sends to me not only pays my rent, but also my light bill. My boyfriend stays with me. He helps me to cook and clean. He is domesticated. He grew up with his grandmother.

I told my child’s father that I have a male visitor, but I assured him that he does not get close to my daughter. My child’s father has promised to come to Jamaica and marry me after he has received his citizenship, but I like my present boyfriend. He is very ambitious. His grandmother knows me, but she does not know that I am older than her grandson. The house that she is living in, she told me that she is leaving it in a will for us.

This man has never raised his voice at me, but my child’s father curses when he and I have a disagreement, and then he tells me that he is sorry. The guy I live with wants my daughter to call him daddy, but I don’t want her to do so because she could only have one father. I am helping him to buy a car so he can use it as a taxi.

I trust him that much.

K.

Dear K.,

I can see that you love this man who is very helpful in your house. You have accepted him as the man of the house although your child’s father is paying your rent and meeting other bills. You have not said what work your boyfriend does, but I would not be surprised if he is unemployed and you are really taking care of him.

If you are planning to buy a car for him to use as a taxi, your intention is to help him to make a living. I think you are naïve. What you are doing is to put this man into a position not just to support himself, but to encourage him to have other women. Remember, your boyfriend is 25 years old and there are many women who love guys who are mobile, and you may find that if this man is given a car, you would not see him as often as you do now. His excuse will be that he has to be hustling to bring some money. So I cannot encourage you to buy the taxi.

I am not saying that he is not a good man. I am only trying to say that you should not try to take the money that your daughter’s father is sending to you to support another man. Let this young man find a means of supporting himself, and do not allow your daughter to call him dad. You are being naïve and you should wake up.

Pastor