My husband is a sex addict

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old married woman. I got married 18 months ago to a man who behaved as a Christian. I grew up in a Christian home. My parents were very strict.

I only have one brother. We all went to church. I did well in school and went on to university, and it was there that I met my husband. He was attending another church, but I invited him to mine. He told me everything that I needed to hear. He said he was looking for a real woman who was dedicated and who would love him.

He told me from the very first day that he loved me and he loved sex. I was not sexually active, but I was not a virgin, either.

I had lost my virginity after going to a camp.

Very soon after we met, my husband wanted us to get married, because whenever we were together he could not resist me. We got married privately, just with my parents and brother and two witnesses. He had a one-bedroom apartment, so I moved in and he had sex with me 24/7. I could hardly keep up with him. In the evenings when I had my shower, he did not want me to wear clothes. He said it was unnecessary, so I learned to sleep in the nude. One day I found many

CDs in a box. Almost all of them were pornography. I told him that he should throw them away. He said he could not do that because he needed them. I told him that now that he was married, he shouldn’t have them around. He said they were for his enjoyment. Before we had sex, every night he looked at some of these videos. I told him that as a Christian he should not be looking at them. He said he did not see anything wrong in looking at them. He wanted us to do some of the things, but I objected. He tried to force me and I told him that I would leave him, so he backed off. But I am worried now because a few days ago, he told me that I am not enough for him and he has his mind on other women. I don’t know what to do because we have sex between 7 and 9 at nights, and if I wake up after midnight, he is watching ‘blues’. And then he has sex with me again before he falls asleep. Don’t you think this man is sick? I have always been told that Christians should not behave this way. I would love for you to give me your advice.

P.

Dear P.,

I hope that your husband will learn to control himself. Before he got married, he warned you that he loved sex, but he is behaving as if he is a sex addict who needs professional help. It is true that lots of couples enjoy looking at pornographic videos, but to be constantly looking at them and trying to apply them to one’s relationship cannot be right. You may not be comfortable doing some of these things, and you have alluded to that. Clearly, this man is overdoing a good thing, therefore, he needs professional help, and you should insist that he sees a sex therapist. This man is prepared to abuse himself, and now he says he is not having enough sex and he is thinking about other women. You said you are worried. Please do what you can do and try your best to seek professional help for him; but I must tell you that he may not want to go for professional help. Therefore, you have to prepare yourself to return to a single life if he refuses and wants to have his way. Pastor