Didn’t know my boyfriend was STILLTAKEN

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 and I got trapped by a man who was very nice to me. I was living with a guy and all he wanted was to get me pregnant. He was very controlling and he did not speak the truth. When I met this other guy, he was so loving and caring. He had just bought a house and he told me that he did not have a girlfriend, because his last girlfriend went to America and she wanted him to follow but he was not interested in living there. The three-bedroom house is in a gated community. I fell for everything that he said. He told me that I would not have to help him pay for the house because the mortgage was low and he has a good job. I saw everything in this house that made me fall for him. He drove a lovely company car and promised he would buy me a car. I got the car for my birthday and I was the envy of my girlfriends. I kept asking him about his woman and he said I should not worry about her. Five months later I was going through his phone and I read the messages and I realised that they were still together. She told him that she was coming home. I did not say anything to him. Someone told his girlfriend that I was staying at the house. So I told him that he did not have to lie, all he had to do is to help me to rent a place to live and he should come clean. So he started to tell me that when he saw me I was too beautiful for him to resist. Pastor, I behaved as if he was the greatest man. I did not curse him. I went out with him on several Sundays and finally we saw an apartment and he gave me half the money to pay down on this place. My sister joined with me to make the downpayment to buy the place. His girlfriend stayed at the house. I had to take out every piece of my clothes from the house because we did not want his girlfriend to know that I was living there. I have never fussed with him. His girlfriend came back and was there for four months and she is gone again. It’s the kind of community where people mind their own business. He has been telling me that I should get pregnant for him because his girlfriend, who is older than he is, is not interested in having children. I love him, but I don’t want to have children by him because I don’t trust him. Please tell me what to do.

I.D.

Dear I.D.,

This man is a deceiver but it is evident that he is a man of means. He was able to give you money to assist you in buying an apartment, but you should not have accepted the offer from him. He is likely to hang on to you and use you as a spare tyre. When his girlfriend is abroad, he knows that you are there and he will always find his way to your house or he will insist that you come to his place. If you were to try and resist him, he will remind you that his money is in the house and you would not be living there without his help, so he has a right to come there. You will always be this man’s ‘side piece’, so you should tell him that you want to end the relationship and you are prepared to repay him the money he gave you to purchase the apartment. As long as he is having a sexual relationship with you, you will never be able to have another man in your life and you will never be comfortable.

Pastor