Sugar daddy can’t satisfy me

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I have a daughter. I have a difficult time getting money from her father. Whenever I ask him for money, he says that I have to go to bed with him. I have made up my mind not to do that because I do not love him anymore. He wants to be with me, and at the same time he wants every girl who wears a skirt, and he brags about the number of girls he can get. I have had sex with him a few times since we broke up, but he does not want to use a condom. The last time I told him no, he cursed me. He told me that I am stretched out. I know that is not true. He is telling other people that he caught me with a man. I don’t even want to take him to court because that would be a waste of time.

I have a bigger problem. I know an old man, and for a long time he has been showing interest in me. His wife died many years ago and his adult children are living in America, so sometimes he travels and he leaves the gardener in charge of his property. This man and I are together. I know he has lots of money. When I am there he orders food. Right now he has promised to pay my daughter’s school fee. My daughter is three years old and she will be starting school in September. He has also promised to pay my school fees. This man is too good to be real. He told me that he is not going to stop me, but if I choose to have a boyfriend he will not support me financially. I made up my mind not to have a boyfriend. One day while I was at his house, one of his daughters called and he told her that his girlfriend was there. She wanted to talk to me so he put the phone on speaker. She asked me if I didn’t think that I was too young for her father and I told her no. She also questioned me about my child’s father and I told her he was not in the picture. She told me that I should make sure that I will not hurt her father, and I would not bring any man into her father’s house. Since that time his daughter and I have become friends and she calls me to check up on her dad. I have never talked to his other children. He has four children.

This man doesn’t look his age but he is 79. I do not have a driver’s licence but I am learning and he wants to buy me a car. He told the people in the neighbourhood that I am his niece, so I call him uncle, and my daughter calls him uncle too. Do you think that I am out of order Pastor, but I have to tell you the whole story. This man does not have any use when it comes to sex. He has sex with me in different kind of ways, so sometimes I wonder whether I can be faithful to him forever. Right now, I need him because he meets every financial need that I have and he loves my daughter and can give her an education. I need your advice.

A.S.

Dear A.S.,

You have not said emphatically that you love this man. You give the impression that this man is the one pursuing you and you are glad for his help.

I can assume that you love him but you would not have been with him if you were not certain that he can take care of you financially.

I am sure you understand why his daughter questioned you about your age and about having a relationship with her father. This man knows that people would criticise him for having a relationship with you that is why he has told people in the neighbourhood that you are his niece. But even that was not a wise thing for him to do because after a while people are going to find out that you are not his niece and that you are lovers. I believe that this man is genuine and that he will take care of you financially.

On the matter of sex, you know he can’t satisfy you the way you would like but you are intelligent enough to know what to do. If you believe that there is a future with this man, both of you should go see a family counsellor and talk about everything. I am not prepared to tell you to leave this man but I will follow his daughter and say make sure you are true to him.

Pastor