With a girl I used to
Dear Pastor,
I have been married for 13 years and I love my husband. We live happily. He said I was a good wife to him. He didn’t want me to go out to work, but I did my little buying and selling right at our gate. I didn’t have to depend on him for anything. I sold everything. Farmers used to come by with goods and I used to buy from them and sell back to the people in the area. Even taxi men would stop and buy drinks from me. I also had a patty warmer which I kept on my verandah, and I sold patties to everybody.
SEND HER TO SCHOOL
This young girl got into my husband’s life. She told me she was going to take him away from me. But this is a girl who I used to help her mother to send her to school. Her father never supported her. When I got married, she was the flower girl at my wedding. I have known my husband for 20 years. My husband forgot his cell phone and it rang and I took it up and saw a number, but I didn’t answer it. Then a message came in and it was from the girl and she was asking my husband why she couldn’t find him and if he didn’t know that she wanted him. She used the ‘F’ word to him in describing me. I was so upset that, as soon as he got home, I attacked him and he turned on me and quarrelled with me for reading his text messages.
Since that happened, my husband is openly having a relationship with this girl. When I spoke to her mother about it, she said she couldn’t do anything about it. My husband and I are coming from far. The house that we are living in is on my father’s land. This young girl can’t help him. I know he has to be giving her money because, in her text, she said that she wanted money.
I am not an old woman but I cannot compete with her. I will close up everything and go abroad. But this young girl can’t come in this house to live. So I told my husband to make up his mind about what he really wants to do.
E.L.
Dear E.L.,
I hope that your husband will come to his senses. You have been a good wife to him and he should not forget where both of you are coming from. You did not get where you are overnight. It took hard work and dedication to build yourself.
I want you to always bear in mind that a woman should not be careless with her husband, regardless of who he is, because some young girls, even if they are working, are seeking men who can help them financially. This young girl is not even respectful to your husband. She is using ‘F’ words and threatening him. Perhaps he gives her some money regularly and that particular week she did not receive anything from him.
I hope that you will not get into any contention with her. Don’t call and argue with her. Let her say what she wants to say. You have spoken to her mother and she told you that she cannot do anything about the relationship. She did not even tell you that she will speak to her about the problem. However, you were quite right in reminding your husband that he can leave.
He should remember that the house technically belongs to your father and he can find himself outside on the street if he does not behave himself.
I suggest that you talk to your husband quietly and suggest that both of you go to see a family counsellor to discuss your problem. I don’t believe that you want to end the relationship with your husband. What you would genuinely love to see is that he leave this girl. Right now, he is behaving like a fool because you spoke to him about this girl, and you had a right to do so.
Pastor