Parents don’t know I’m pregnant for a married man

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I grew up in a Christian home. I went to Sunday school every week. I sang on the youth choir; I was always very active in church.

I have two sisters, and they, too, were active in church. I was called a tomboy because I loved to do what the boys did, and I loved to climb and fool around. I started to have sex when I was 16. The first man I had sex with was twice my age. He was a friend of my father. He did not rape me or force me to have sex with him; he persuaded me. We went on as friends for six months and we has sex mostly on weekends. Nobody knew that was happening. But when I realised that he was also fooling around one of my sisters, I told him that I would tell my mother that I was sleeping with him. He begged me not to say anything to her. I pulled away from him and became friendly with another man.

When I was 18 years old, I got pregnant for another man who was married. I could not let anybody know that he was the one who got me pregnant. So I made up a story and told my parents that when I was coming from college, a man held me and had sex with me, and that’s how I got pregnant.

Pastor, my father never believed me, but I have never changed my story. My child’s father has always supported my son, who resembles him. I don’t know when I am going to tell this child the truth about is father. It has taken my mother some time to forgive me for getting pregnant.

This married man’s other children attend good schools and he wants my son to attend prominent schools like them. I still love this man and we still hide and go out and make love. I know it is not right, but please don’t call me bad. I have strong feelings for him.

R.B.

Dear R.B.,

You should try your best to bring an end to this relationship. This man is married, and he is not going to divorce his wife and marry you. You should look at the relationship with him as a big mistake. In fact, getting involved at age 18 was a mistake. Your mother knows you well, so when you got pregnant and told her how it happened, she did not believe you. Neither does your father. And to this day, they do not accept your story.

The father of the child, who is married, is supporting him. One day, the child will have to know the truth. I suppose you have registered the child using your last name. Try your best to go back to school. You do not have to make yourself cheap by continuing to have sex with this married man. There is no future for you and him. I will not condemn you, but I beseech you to end this lifestyle. Pastor