Lousy boyfriend wants me back

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I am very ambitious. I can cook, I can clean, I can wash and I know how to take care of my family.

I know what I want out of life. My ex-boyfriend is 22 and we had a three-year relationship. At the beginning, I was working at a clothes store and he was working at a supermarket. He was living with his mother and he asked me to move in with him. His mother was shot and robbed and was admitted to hospital. Then I decided to move in. After that, we both worked and assisted his sibling, bought food and paid the bills. After she got well and came home, she behaved as if I never did anything for her. She tried to ‘set a man’ on me and I said no.

LOST THE BABY

I got pregnant but lost the baby. My then boyfriend said that I spitefully lost the baby. He changed after that. I encouraged him to go back to school, which he did, and he became a firefighter and he assisted me to go back to school. I’m a hairdresser. I told him that I was not comfortable at his mother’s house and promised that I was going to move with or without him. He doesn’t want to pay rent. I told him we should try to get visas and he said that I was forcing him to live the life he does not want. When I told him that we should get married, he said I was forcing him. He did not want to go to church.

I have never cheated. I am not perfect and sometimes I cursed him. When I did the first time, he attempted to hit me. Once we had an argument and he took up a knife and said he was going to kill himself. I had to beg him not to. After that I saw a text from a girl and when I asked him who she was, he said they were just friends. He is very good in bed and has the largest penis I have ever seen. When I found out that I was pregnant, this man and I accepted it and he was very happy. He promised to stay by my side. But everything changed when I lost the baby. He became very aggressive and he didn’t know how to control his anger. Each time we had sex, I got an infection. He refused to visit the doctor. So I stopped having sex with him.

He built a room on his mother’s house and I assisted him. He is immature but I was always trying to work with him because I did not want to move from man to man. I asked him for $4,000 to do my hair and he didn’t give it to me. But he was able to buy his mother a refrigerator. He bought me a stove, but after we broke up, he came back for it.

I left him and now I am in my church. It was hard to leave him but I did. I have not had sex since then. As I said, the sex was good and I really loved him. But sometimes he caused me to cry myself to sleep. He wants me to come back to him but I will never go back to him.

B

Dear B.,

This man did not treat you well and now he has realised that he made a mistake by letting you go. So he is begging you to return to him. You have very good reasons for leaving him.

So I cannot encourage you to return to him. Evidently when you lived at his mother’s house and she encouraged you to have an affair with another man, she was setting you up. She wasn’t a good mother-in-law. You are indeed an ambitious girl. You tried to get this man to move out of his mother’s house because you were not comfortable there. But this woman had him under her control. He knew that you enjoyed having sex. You said that he was gifted. But sex is not the only thing that a woman wants out of a relationship.

While you were trying to be faithful to him, he was having an affair and that is how he caught an STI. I hope that he has gone to the doctor and has got medication. Kindly try and improve yourself in your career. I wish you well.

Pastor