My fiancé is too wild in bed

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I have a problem with the man I love and am hoping to marry. Because of his behaviour, I am not sure this wedding can go through. This man is five years older than me.

He met me in church and he told me that he was in love with me. We started to date. Everybody in my family loves him. Meeting this man, you would think that he is a gentleman, and indeed he is. But he is a bully in bed. He does crazy things.

When I met him, I told him that I only had two boyfriends. One of them got another girl pregnant so we broke up. The other guy went to Canada and told me that he was not coming back. My current boyfriend begged me for sex every time we met. He even tried to force me to have sex with him while he was visiting me and my parents were asleep. I told him that I would scream when he attempted to pull my underwear down. After he left, he called me and apologised for his behaviour and I forgave him. He said he just could not wait until we were married to have sex. So I promised that I would think about it. I did and I went to his home prepared to have sex with him. He could not believe that I had changed my mind but it was the worst thing I have done.

Mark you, I am not accustomed to having sex. This man put me in crazy positions and when I told him no, he reminded me that I agreed to have sex with him. The ‘doggy style’ was his favourite position and I found that very painful. But he enjoyed it and when I said stop, he didn’t. Since then I have not returned to his house.

At a women’s meeting at church, the women were told that they should not engage in certain positions because they are from the devil in hell. I know I made a mistake by having sex with him before getting married but, looking back now, it was not a bad mistake after all because now I know that he wants me to do things that as a Christian I should not do.

E.G.

Dear E.G.,

I suggest that your fiancé and yourself make an appointment to see a family counsellor. I will not suggest that you throw in the towel and not marry him.

You have to learn that there are many positions that a couple can engage in when it comes to sex. It is not only the missionary position. It might be the most popular but there are many, many more and I won’t even attempt to mention them in response to your letter.

Having said the above, let me quickly add that your fiancé behaved like a fool. He was able to convince you to engage in premarital sex and he did not have the common sense to know that doing that style was not something that he should have engaged in.

If you were to see a family counsellor, he may recommend certain books that both of you should read and discuss together. But don’t cancel your wedding date. Go and see your counsellor. You heard from some of the women in your church that some positions are from the devil. I have never seen these things in the Bible. Go get counselling and write me again. Let me know what your final decision is.

Pastor