Babyfather wants to move in with us

I don’t want to pressure my boyfriend for anything. But I know we can save a lot if he lives with us.

Dear Pastor, I am 19 and pregnant. This pregnancy is a mistake. My boyfriend and I did not want a child until we were married. My boyfriend is still in university.

I went to stay with him one night and we had unprotected sex. My close friends told me that we should get married before my stomach started to show. But my boyfriend said that is not the type of wedding he thinks we should have.

When I told my mother that I was pregnant, she told me to get married right away and nobody would know. She is a church woman and did not want the people in her church to know that I got pregnant before getting married. My father told her that people would still know. So we did not bother with that. The plan was for my boyfriend to finish university and help to put me through. Well that plan cannot work any more. Now, he is asking my dad to allow him to rent the small side of the house so that we can save money. My father is not against his living here with us. My father gets $30,000 per month for the small side of the house, but now it is vacant. My father has not told us whether he will allow us to live there, but I am hoping that he will. It would be a big sacrifice for my parents to give up that money.

I am asking my father to accept $15,000. My father does not talk much, so one does not know what is on his mind. I am six months pregnant and soon I will have to stop working.

I don’t want to pressure my boyfriend for anything. But I know we can save a lot if he lives with us. All his relatives live abroad. He told me he will not go abroad to live without me. My mother will help me with the baby and a company has promised him a job. Sometimes I feel so sad, but my mother tries to cheer me up. I would feel very happy if my father would allow my babyfather to live with us. We will pay our own bills and cook our own food. I am expecting a girl.

C.R.

Dear C.R.,

I do not encourage couples to get married because they are expecting a baby. A mistake has been made and marriage cannot cover that up. I want to mention that when people buy a house and it is split level and self-contained on each floor, they do so mostly to earn an income. Now that you have got pregnant and are asking your father to allow your boyfriend to live on the small side of the house, he is not going to get any income or as much income. So he is probably taking a long time to consent. From $30,000 to $15,000 will be a mighty big sacrifice. I am assuming that both of you do not want to go and live together at another place because you would not get the type of support you would get at home after giving birth. If your mother is influential, she can ‘turn the head’ of your father and get him to agree to rent your child’s father the small side of the house and accept the $15,000. He should assure your father that he will marry you and tell him how long he will be in the house before you get married. I hope you have a safe delivery. Pastor