Mom thinks older woman is trying to tie me

Dear Pastor,

When I was 25 I met a woman and we became very good friends. She told me that she had always admired me and we should go out. She is 10 years older.

We talked on the phone almost daily. But I did not go out with her because of COVID. I live at home with my mother and two sisters. My mother says that she can see that the woman loves me, but she told me to be careful with her.

When the COVID restrictions were lifted, this woman invited me to her home. So I borrowed my sister’s car because I did not own one. I had no intention of having sex. The woman lives in a lovely apartment. I sat down on her couch and she offered me a homemade drink. She asked me if I wanted to look around the three-bedroom townhouse.

She showed me a room and said,

“This can be your room when you are ready to move out from your mother’s place.”

When she showed me her room, she opened her robe and I was shocked because she was naked. I turned away my face and she wanted to know why. I told her I was surprised to see her like that. She told me I could get what I saw. This woman tried to kiss me and I kept pulling away. She asked me if I am on the ‘other side’ and I told her no. Eventually, I kissed her and she got me in the mood. But my phone rang. My sister wanted to know when I was returning because she needed her car. This woman told me that she could have come for me. We had another long kiss and then I left.

I called this woman later and told her thanks for entertaining me, but I reminded her that she is much older so I probably should not come back to visit her. But I fantasised about her. She has offered to buy me a car. My mother told me that I should not take it. But my sisters said I should. One evening she showed up at our house and I went out with her. We picked up food and after she showered, I ended up in bed with her. Now I feel helpless. I told my mother and sisters that I am moving out. My mother is very upset. She said this woman needs to find a man her age and that she is trying to tie me. I don’t even feel adequate when I am making love to her. She seems to know every trick in the book. My sister and I pay all the bills at our mother’s house. So I told this woman that I could not stop assisting my mother and she told me that I had to learn to grow up.

My father left us to live in America. My mother has worked hard and with the help of our grandfather, she bought her home. So we cannot abandon her. So please, give me your advice. C.T.

Dear C.T.,

You have said lots of things about this woman. Clearly she has been aggressive. But what you have not said is whether you love her. She loves you. But do you love her?

She has done everything to show you that she wants you in her life. You have now given yourself to her. You tried to resist her the first time, but then you gave in to her. I am assuming that the sex is often now. But are you now in love with her and have you come to the place where you cannot resist her?

You who have to decide what you want. She wants to buy you a car so that you will be free to visit her whenever you like. Your sister wouldn’t have to call you and tell you that she wants her vehicle. Do you want that vehicle?

If you decide to live with this woman, you should assure your mother that you will continue to assist her financially. This woman is only 10 years older than you, so that is not significant. I am not going to tell you what to do, but I must suggest that you assure your mother that you are not going to allow this woman to control your future. I wish you well.

Pastor