My boyfriend is trying to get with my sister

Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you but I always read your column and listen to you on the radio. I am living in North America. My twin sister is living in Jamaica.

I have a boyfriend there and my sister has accused him of trying to get involved with her. He called my sister a liar but I don’t see any reason why my sister would lie. She and I are very close. When I was in Jamaica, we all went out together. My sister did not have a boyfriend at the time, but she does now. When I was there and people saw us, they could not decide who was who, and we used to fool people all the time. We are identical twins. I am worried because my boyfriend says I should believe him and not my sister. I wanted to come home and marry this man, but how can I if he does not have enough respect for me to keep away from my sister?

Before my sister had a boyfriend, she used to say unpleasant things about my boyfriend and I used to tell her that she was jealous. But, now that she has a boyfriend, what should she be jealous about? I don’t know her guy but I understand that he has a good job and that he comes from a respectable family. My sister says that my boyfriend has tried to get her to go out with him. She told her boyfriend what my boyfriend asked her and her boyfriend told her to make sure that she told me.

My boyfriend is a soldier and people say that soldiers can’t be trusted. But I love him. He is my first boyfriend and he took my virginity. I am working hard to get an education. If I can prove that my boyfriend wants to have an affair with my sister, I will stop talking to him. I will not go anywhere with him when I am in Jamaica. But how can I be sure that my sister is talking the truth? My boyfriend told me that it is up to me to believe what I want to believe, but he knows that he is being faithful to me. He said that, if I do not want him any more, I should tell him so that he can be free.

When I was in Jamaica, I never heard anything bad about him, but some of my friends used to say that soldiers are bad. What do you have to say, Pastor?

A.

Dear A.,

First of all, I would like to encourage you to study hard and not be disturbed by the things you hear. Long-distance relationships, as you might have heard, are difficult and, in your case, it is really a bother because your own sister is telling you that your boyfriend is making passes at her. Whether that is true or not, don’t allow that to go to your head. Concentrate on your schoolwork. He said that your sister is not telling you the truth. You say that you don’t know why your sister would lie. Well, neither do I. But your sister doesn’t have to be telling you the truth. Perhaps your boyfriend said something to her and she interpreted that as him making a pass at her. I don’t know. Whenever you get to Jamaica, you can confront your boyfriend in the presence of your sister and work this matter out. But, right now, your priority is your education. Stay with that. Don’t allow anything to come between you and your education.

Before I go, let me say this. It is a common belief in Jamaica that soldiers can’t be trusted. That is so unfortunate for people to believe that every soldier is a bad man. You knew that this man was a soldier when you became intimately involved with him. Not all soldiers are bad. So, put what people say about them behind you.

Pastor