Too old to be a side chick

Dear Pastor,

You are a problem solver. People always come to me to help them solve their problems, but I am having a problem of my own and I don’t know what to do.

I have two children but their father and I are not together. He was very abusive. I tried to stay with him but I could not continue, so I gave up.

I got involved with another man and he did not tell me he was married. His wife has been living in America. His mother lives at his house. He does not have a live-in helper, he has a day’s worker. He did not give me his exact address but I used my common sense and found his house. I introduced myself to his mother and I told her that he was not aware that I was coming to the house. I lied to the woman but she was smart.

Then she asked me for my telephone number and I gave it to her. She called her son and told him that I was at the house. He asked to speak to me and he cursed me rotten. He said I should not have come to his house without informing him. After he made a few statements, I quickly told his mother that I had to go. I did not want to be with a man who did not tell me his correct address because up to that point, I did not know he was married. It was his mother who told me that and she is at his house taking care of him.

If this man meant me any good, why was he hiding the truth about himself? After he quieted down, he called me and I apologised for going to his house without his knowledge. When his mother told me that he was married, I did not act as if I was surprised. She even showed me pictures of his wife and his children. She was proud of them.

I found out also that this man is a backslider and he does different types of work. He is secretive and he is very tight. Whatever I need from him, he takes a long time to give me. I promised that I will not go back to his house.

But I also promised that I would leave him alone. Now that everything is out in the open, he wants our relationship to continue. I want a man who I can talk about. I don’t want somebody who I can’t tell my friends about. I don’t want a man who can only take me out at nights. That is what this man wants me to agree to. He wants me to be his side chick and I am too old for that. His mother told me too many things about him that should make me leave him alone. His wife and children are planning to be in Jamaica for August. He wants to introduce his children to me. He said he would tell them that I am their cousin.

Do you think that I should agree for this man to introduce his lovely children to me as their cousin? He said they will not even remember that when they return to America. He promised to give me some money and I am buying time. I don’t want to leave him until I get that money. As I said he is very tight but I will get it. I hope you will see my points and you will not condemn me.

F.E.

Dear F.E., Now that you know that the man is married, leave him alone. Get out of his life. Evidently, this man just wants a woman to meet his sexual needs while his wife is away. The relationship that you are having with him is not going to get you anywhere. This man wants sex from you, but you want his money. And he is not going to roll out his money to you as often as you would like. That is why you call him tight. You did not say whether you have a job. You don’t give the impression that you are working. Get yourself a job and get out of this man’s way. Pastor