Boyfriend says I’m only good for sex

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 30s and I have a boyfriend. He is my second boyfriend. My first boyfriend and I were together for five years. We broke up over another girl.

This girl and I used to be good friends. I confided in her and told her little secrets. I found out that she used to go back and tell the guy. Some things he told me, I knew that she was the one who told him. I even told her the positions that he enjoyed putting me in when we were having sex. We were just talking as girls. When I told one of my sisters what my boyfriend told me, right away she said that the person who told my boyfriend these things knew me well and was someone I trusted. This girl was the only one I confided in. So I asked her whether she told my boyfriend certain things and she said my boyfriend was looking her and she told him that he was too large for her. I had told her that my boyfriend is gifted. So, when she told me that she told him he was too large, I knew for sure that she told him all the other things.

To cut a long story short, this girl and I stopped talking as friends and she and my boyfriend are now living together. My present boyfriend is a lecturer but I am having problems with him. I love him very much but he looks down on me. He drops words and makes me feel uncomfortable. He calls me dunce and he says he doesn’t understand why he got involved with me. I know I am not dunce. I am not as educated as he is but I am not dunce. I am thinking of leaving him because, one evening after we made love, he said that is all I am good for. I did not like what he said. If all I am good for is sex, we should not be together. Do you agree?

I am not good in mathematics but I am trying to do a little business on my own. I don’t have to depend on him for anything. He is a handsome guy. We live together but, because of COVID, we did not go out much. How can I get this man to stop from looking at me as inferior to him? Please, tell me what to do.

Dear C.S.,

Let’s forget the first boyfriend because you are no longer together. Let’s concentrate now on this man with whom you are living. He knows that you are not as educated as he is and, if he truly loves you, he should try his best to help you to go back to school. He should not verbally abuse you. He should not embarrass you and it is time for you to tell him that you are going to leave him because he has been disrespectful to you.

He will never marry you, because you are not in his league, so to speak. He told you that the only thing you are good for is to sexually satisfy him. When a man tells a woman that, she should not stick around. She should move on.

Pastor