My cousin’s brother got me pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I started reading it before I went to high school, and now I am 22 years old. I am a country girl, but I came to Kingston to live with an aunt. She had strict rules in her house. One rule is that I should be home before 10 p.m., unless we all went out together.

I got into a friendship with a young man. One evening he took me out, but when I got home it was after 10 o’clock. My aunt locked the door and would not let me in. She said I should go back to where I was coming from. I stayed outside and begged and begged, and I started to cry, but she would not let me in.

About 10:45 that night, my boyfriend, who was standing nearby, said ‘This is foolishness, this woman doesn’t have any heart, come with me, I will find a place for you to sleep.’ I asked him where we were going and he said we were going to his house. I was afraid to go with him, but I had no choice. He was sharing a room with one of his brothers. He spoke to him and he gave up his space so that my boyfriend and I could sleep in the room. That night we had sex, but we didn’t use any protection. I fretted. He is 25 years old. He said he doubted he would have got me pregnant because it was the first time we were having sex. I foolishly believed him.

I went home the following day and my aunt told me I should pack my bag and go back to the country. I told her I will not go back, even if she kicked me out. She reminded me that it was her house and she was in charge. So I packed my bag and sat on the bed. She came in and said that she has forgiven me. She asked me where I slept and I told her I slept with my boyfriend. She said, ‘I hope he didn’t get you pregnant. Anyway, you can unpack, but remember my rules.’

A couple months later I began to feel sick and my aunt realised that I was pregnant. She decided that was the time to kick me out. My boyfriend works in construction and he told his boss that he got me into ‘trouble’ and he wanted a place for me to stay. His boss spoke to my aunt and explained to her that my boyfriend is a decent and hardworking young man, and he would see to it that he will take care of me. My aunt told him how much it will cost for me to stay there because I will not be of any use to her, and she was helping me to go back to school, so my boyfriend would have to pay to help to keep me.

GET OUT OF THIS

His boss thanked her, and my boyfriend told my aunt he was sorry for what happened. They then got into a discussion. She asked him questions and she discovered that she and my boyfriend’s father had a relationship. My aunt has a child with him, but the child lives in Canada. When she found out that we are related, she shouted out, ‘My goodness! My God! What is this, how are we going to get out of this?” She called me before my boyfriend and told me what his father did to her.

Every week my boyfriend’s boss makes sure that my boyfriend gives me groceries and pocket money. My aunt doesn’t want to see my boyfriend at all, he could not even come and sit on the verandah. To talk to him, I have to call him on his cell phone.

I told my parents everything. The only thing they blamed me for was to have sex with my boyfriend. I told them that I could not avoid doing so because we were alone on the same bed, and when I said no, he did not take no for an answer. My aunt says she hopes to marry my boyfriend’s father, who is in the process of getting a divorce. They promise to get married to each other. That would make him my uncle-in-law, which is weird because his son got me pregnant.

My aunt has not told her man that his son got me pregnant. She said it’s been a long time she has been waiting on this man. She says she doesn’t know how to deal with the situation, and she is too ashamed to talk to anybody about it.

I am asking you for your opinion.

V

Dear V.,

What a family mix-up. What you have related is one reason why men must not’ run road’. Men can hide how many children they have fathered. They can have one in Montego Bay, one in Portland, one in Kingston, etc. but they are not responsible for them.

You had a child by a man and your aunt did not know that your child’s father is also the son of the man she had a child with. If your boyfriend was aware that his father had an intimate relationship with your aunt, he probably would not have become intimate with you. He saw you as a girl with whom he could have a relationship and took you out. Your aunt locked you out of the house because you came home late, and that led to your pregnancy.

Your aunt’s big problem is how to deal with this man who is the father of your boyfriend. She cannot wash her hands as if she is innocent of everything. You say that she has not told her lover about the relationship that your boyfriend is having with you, and that he has gotten you pregnant. I suggest that your boyfriend inform his father about the situation. Tell him that he was unaware that your aunt and him used to be lovers. He should explain everything to his father, and ask his father to help him deal with the situation.

His father will deal with your aunt the best way he can. They will have to decide whether they continue their love affair.

Pastor