I hate my worthless father

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and a half years old and I want to relate something to you. My mother has three children for two different men – two boys and myself.

My mother and the father of her first child broke up, so she started living with another man. This man, who is my father, did not like to work and my mother was a helper. She went out every day and she worked hard, and sometimes when she came home, she still had to cook. Many times there was nothing in the house, and she had to buy things on the road to come home and cook. Sometimes, for an entire week, all we had was mackerel and rice and sometimes dumplings. This man would come home and eat, but he didn’t care.

We were just little children, but I have seen this man beat my mother over and over again. He also called her a whore. As far as we could see, our mother was not a whore. My mother used to tell him that God will take her out of the problems. One day he hit my mother and my mother decided to stand up to him. She grabbed a cutlass and said she was going to chop him up. A neighbour ran and took away the cutlass and my father told the man that he was going to kill him for getting involved.

UNFORTUNATE

That day, my mother said to my little brother and I that she was going to leave.

She stayed at different places with friends. She was very unfortunate, but she met another man and this man had a house. My mother thought the house belonged to him but she this was not the case. My mother started to live with him because he knew my mother didn’t have anything. She didn’t even have a bed for my brother and I to sleep on. We used to sleep on the floor. Sometimes when it was cold, we used to spread a sheet over each other. When my mother and this man had any disagreement, he would tell her that he didn’t want her, and she should take out her pickney them and leave.

Finally, my mother got a job – a better job – and the boss had a little house on the property and he told her that he would allow her to stay there. It was a one-room dwelling, but we had two beds. People used to say that my mother and the boss had something going. We were children, we don’t know. What I know is that the man treated us very well. He insisted that we went to school.

I went to secondary school but I couldn’t invite any of my friends home because the place was not convenient. Pastor, I am now in a good job and I can help my mother. I never had a boyfriend. Boys used to tease me on the road but I never took them on. My mother used to pray and hope that I would not turn out like her.

My father, who never supported me, has found me and is crying to me and pleading to me for help. He told me he is sorry for the way he treated my mother and how he treated us.

He is very ill and he said he wants help. I hate my father! I hate him, hate him, hate him! He could have done better.

The money I am making now is to take care of my mother. I even look out for the man who let my mother stay at his place and let us be comfortable at his place. I call him daddy, but I cannot call my real father daddy. He asked me for my cell number and I gave it to him, and this man is calling me every week. I am thinking of changing my number.

Whenever I talk to my mother about his harassment, she is silent. One day she said to me that she is not telling me not to give anything, but she wouldn’t give him. He told me he has prescriptions to fill. I don’t know what to do. All the beating my mother suffered from this man and the cursing, he did not know that he would come to this condition.

He wants to come to where we live, but we do not want him here. I would like your advice because sometimes when I go to church and I hear sermons on love and forgiveness, I think of him.

O.

Dear O.,

Let me begin by saying although you have had a rough upbringing, you have done very well. I am sure looking back, you have often given God thanks for where you are today.

You are a wise girl. You have not got mixed up with men. Your mother tried to give you guidance and you saw what she went through. She warned you not to get involved with men and not to listen to their lies.

Concerning your biological father, I want you to know that it is not unusual for fathers, who have ignored their children, to beg for help when these children have grown.

Men need to understand that loving the mothers of their children will cause their children to love them. I will say to you though, that although your father behaved as a beast, if you are in a position at all to assist him, especially to fill his prescription, etc, do so. However, I cannot tell you to take on full responsibility for him for the rest of your life.

Pastor