Wife says she will leave me to live in America

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I don’t know what to do. I just celebrated my 70th birthday and my wife is telling me that she does not want to stay married.

She is 65, and we have one son together. I took her with three children. She now has to leave her job because she has reached retirement age. She has a green card, but I do not. She wants to go away and work and if I don’t want to go, she told me that she will not come back.

This woman and I have never had a problem. I have done everything to please her. We live in a decent area and people look up to us. Our son told her that I would find it hard to adjust to America. I suggested that we can rent out part of the house and with our pension, we can get ahead. But she is insisting that she wants a change.

I went to her pastor and told her my situation. The pastor, who is a woman, suggested that all three of us should meet. When we went, the pastor listened and then told me, “Your wife doesn’t want you any more, why are you trying to hang on?” She did not even try to encourage my wife to stay in Jamaica. I stopped going to church because I thought that she would have encouraged my wife to stay. Throughout the session she was laughing and telling me that I will survive.

My wife’s children live in America and our son lives here in Jamaica with his girlfriend. I am adding a bathroom so he can bring his girlfriend to live here when his mother is gone. This used to be my grandfather’s house and I refurbished it. The last thing I put on was a good roof. My son has agreed to live here with his girlfriend. I do not intend to live in America with my wife. If she carries out her threat to live in America, I plan to divorce her. I am asking what you think I should do.

S.S.

Dear S.S.,

You are asking me what you should do, but you already made up your mind.

You have declared that you don’t like America, and to me, your wife was well aware of that when you got married. She did not object. She had her children and she needed to be around them, so she was quite willing to work with it. Let us face the facts, many couples have stayed in Jamaica and raised their children. But many times when the children have grown up, they go to America or different places to live and they want their parents to join them. Some parents do, but some do not.

For children who live in America, for example in those states that get cold during the winter, many parents try to avoid going. Parents who are senior citizens do not like to leave Jamaica’s warm climate, and they like to be with their friends who are in the same age group. I don’t know why your wife, who is only 65, is so anxious to leave Jamaica and insist that if you do not agree to go, she will leave you permanently.

I am glad that your son is standing by you. If his woman agrees to come to your house to live with him, she will become the lady of the house. I hope that you will be able to adjust to that. It is unfortunate, however, that your wife has come to the place where she would allow the desire of living in America to break up your marriage.

Concerning the session you had with the female pastor, I don’t know what you expected her to say, but I think that her attitude annoyed you. I understand how you felt while you were there. I think what she was saying is that you should allow the woman to go her way and not try to hold her back, as you would be holding back progress. I don’t know what else your wife wanted to be in life. You said both of you got along well. Maybe she feels that she has more years to work and she has a green card. Don’t allow her threats to affect you. If she wants to go, let her go.

You are 70; keep in touch with your friends and go out with them. Play dominoes, watch football, but don’t fret and become depressed. On the other hand, please, when your wife leaves, do not be in a hurry to file for divorce. She will use that against you.

Pastor

“I suggested that we can rent out part of the house and with our pension, we can get ahead. But she is insisting that she wants a change.”