Husband’s babymother keeps calling him

I think that many times when she calls him is because she wants him to come over to her house and spend some time with her.

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old but I am living under stress. My husband is 39 years old and we are Christians.

He has caused me much stress. We have been trying to have children but we have not been successful. He has two children and he spends more time with them than he does with me. These children live with their mother. Their mother calls on him to do everything for her and them. If she has a headache, she calls on my husband. If the children have a cold, she calls on him. I think that many times when she calls him is because she wants him to come over to her house and spend some time with her. The moment the phone rings and she says something is wrong, he gets dressed and leaves the house. Sometimes he spends hours before coming back, and if I fuss with him, he tells me that I am causing his blood pressure to go up. He never has time for me. He takes care of all the bills, so we are not in debt.

He does not get angry easily; sometimes I would like to see him get angry. He goes out sometimes on Saturdays with his friends; he tells me he does so to release stress because I am too miserable. I do not consider myself miserable. I just want his children’s mother to realise that he is married and she should not harass him. My husband used to smoke, but he has stopped because his doctor told him that smoking will shorten his life. He used to tell me that smoking helps to relieve stress. He has put on plenty of weight, so I have changed his diet on the advice of the doctor. How can I get his children’s mother to leave him alone? She is causing me much stress. But my husband thinks that I am causing stress on myself.

F.L.

Dear F.L.,

There are some very good couples who do not have children. I know some pastors and their wives who would love to have children.

According to them, that is the only thing missing in their relationships. When you talk to the wives of these men, they will admit to you that it is hard. Some of them cry silently over their situation. Some women have raised children and the children call them “Mommy”, but they do not have biological children. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why you feel so stressed.

Perhaps you are even jealous over the woman with whom your husband has children and that has brought on stress for months and years. Perhaps it is time for you to accept your husband’s children as yours and give them as much support as you can. Stop finding faults with the woman and stop complaining when she calls your husband for help.

When your husband leaves the house after receiving calls from her, you know where he is going. Don’t fret yourself to death. Perhaps you might want to suggest to your husband that both of you should consider adopting a baby. That might help you to deal with your stress. You would feel that you are now a mother, because right now you are not. Suggest that to your husband and see how he reacts.

Pastor