My sister ‘bruk out’ when she got to America

My sister was very conservative, but she became very open. Whenever her boyfriend is there, she exposes herself.

Dear Pastor,

I am in my late 20s and this is the first time I am writing to you. I read your column every day. I have a twin sister. Our parents were very strict, so we did not go out much. My parents taught us that we should not get involved with boys while we were young. We were forbidden to associate ourselves with the guys in the community. Most of them were ganja smokers and not ambitious. Some of them were afraid of our brothers, who were older than us.

My twin sister was able to get a scholarship to study in America, so she went away and left me alone with my parents. A year and a half later, I also got a scholarship and went to study. My sister is insisting that I should not stay by myself; I should live with her. I got the shock of my life when I realised that my sister was sleeping with a man. She admitted that it was going on soon after she left home. This man cared for her from the time she entered America. At one time, he paid for everything. She could not take a job off campus, so he provided what she needed. He started out by telling her that they would be friends with benefit, so she had to agree that he could keep other women. I asked her how she dealt with that and she said she has got accustomed to it, and she swears that she has never gone to another man.

My sister only had one room and on my second night with her, this man wanted to stay. My sister said I could sleep on the same bed with them, but I refused. She told her boyfriend that he couldn’t stay, but he stayed nonetheless and slept on the couch. She was not the same sister that I knew. My sister was very conservative, but she became very open. Whenever her boyfriend is there, she exposes herself. I asked her how could she do that and she said he has seen her naked many times, so she doesn’t have to cover up any more.

I stayed with my sister for six months and then I got my own place. My parents wanted to know why I moved out from my sister’s place, but I told them that she needs her privacy and I need mine. My sister stopped going to church after she left Jamaica. I have found a good church with many Jamaicans and I have been going there. I am now engaged. My sister does not like my boyfriend. He is an American, but he is very loving and caring. He has proven that he loves me. He sends me flowers often and he calls me twice per day to know how I am doing. Yes, I have given up my virginity to this man. But he did not force me. We do not have the type of agreement like my sister’s.

I pay my own rent, but there are times when he helps me to pay other bills. He always uses his condom, and he has told me that his parents are looking forward for us to give them a grandchild. I discuss everything with my sister; now she is saying that she would like her boyfriend to go his way because she is feeling jealous. She has even suggested that I move back in with her to make it easier to get rid of her boyfriend.

P.L.

Dear P.L.,

Please do not go back to live with your sister. You seem to be happy where you are, and you seem to be enjoying the relationship that you have with your boyfriend. You have found a church that you enjoy. Don’t spoil anything for yourself. Your sister is an adult, and no one had to force her into doing what she is doing.

I hope you have not said anything to your parents about her way of life. I am glad to know that your boyfriend has been good to you. Parents can only do so much, but they ought not to try making decisions for their children. Take good care of yourself, and put God first at all times.

Pastor