Dying to leave my cheating husband

Dear Pastor,

I just want some advice from you on this matter. My husband and I have been married for 15 years, but we have been together for 20 years.

He has always been a cheater, but I have always believed that he would change, so I stayed with him. Last February, I found out that he was in a relationship for two years while we were living together. Life has not been the same with us since then. He told me that he has ended the relationship with the woman because he doesn’t want to lose me, but I am not in love with him. Everything he does irritates me. I want to move out but I can’t find a place that I can afford.

From the time I started having a relationship with this man, it has been hurt on top of hurt. How can I move on? I just want your advice because as I said, I am no longer in love with him. He keeps on calling me and showing up at my workplace. He doesn’t want me to be happy. Although he said that he has stopped having a relationship with the woman, both of them were calling and texting each other recently. When I asked him about it, he said she was asking him if he would help her to cover the expense of her father’s burial. I am uncomfortable at home. I don’t sleep well. I am only hanging in there because of the children. Please help me.

G.T.

Dear G.T.,

I have observed that you did not say whether this man and you have sought professional counselling.

That may or may not work, but I have always encouraged couples to only consider separation or divorce as a last resort. You say you do not love this man any more and you have good reasons for rejecting him. But please, before filing for divorce, tell this man that both of you should go and see a marriage counsellor.

You are not able to rent a house on your own, but if you are determined to leave this man, ask your relatives whether they will join on with you and rent a home that is large enough for you and the children, along with relatives. That kind of arrangement will not last forever, but at least you would have peace of mind.

“From the time I started having a relationship with this man, it has been hurt on top of hurt. How can I move on?”