Boyfriend’s brother got me pregnant

Dear Pastor,

My boyfriend and I have a child together, but not even my relatives know that he is not the father of the child.

I got involved with his brother and we had a one-night stand, and he got me pregnant. I know my boyfriend is not the father of the child, because for a whole month my boyfriend and I did not have sex, and when I check the timeline, my boyfriend could not be the father. However, my boyfriend thinks that he is the father of the child and he accepted my son as his own. His brother and I know the truth. When I told his brother that I was pregnant and that he is the father, he did not argue. My boyfriend supports the child as his own, and at the same time I get money from his brother. My boyfriend’s brother told me that if the day comes when I want to leave my boyfriend, he will stand by me.

Sometimes when I think of what I have done, I curse myself. I consider myself a very bad person, but I have always loved my boyfriend’s brother. Recently, he told me that he is getting married to his long-time girlfriend. However, he has assured me that nothing will change between us. He is in a very good job. My son is one year old and his real father gave me a sum of money to open an account for him. My boyfriend doesn’t know that the money came from his brother. He said that money is towards his education, and that he will give me money for him occasionally to put in that special account.

I know you may think that I am bad, but I do not consider myself bad. On that night when we had sex, I had a few drinks and he took me home, kissed me, and I melted in his arms. My boyfriend was on duty, so he was not expected to be home. Both of us fell asleep on the floor that night. Sometimes I look at my son and I say to myself, ‘You shouldn’t be here.’ But I love him; and I am not sorry that I did not terminate the pregnancy, because my boyfriend and I are having unprotected sex and I wish that he would get me pregnant, but it has happened. When my child grows up, I do not intend to tell him the truth about who is his father. I do not have to change his last name because he is carrying the same family name.

His father drops by once in a while to visit us, and during Christmas he brought his gifts. My boyfriend also bought him gifts, so he is a fortunate child. When I was pregnant, I was tempted to tell my mother that my boyfriend was not the father of the child, but I kept my mouth because I know she would have been disappointed in me, as she loves my boyfriend so much. I was afraid she would have told him.

I have never said anything to any family member or to any friend. Do you agree that I should not tell my son the truth when he grows up? Please give me your advice.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

What has happened cannot be reversed. You may make excuses, but that will not cause me to see you as a very upright woman. You have always loved the brother of your boyfriend, so you found it rather easy to go to bed with him.

Some years ago, a lady told me that she have always loved her sister’s husband, and she told him that he should not have married to her sister. She told him that he should have married to her, and she has repeated those words to me more than once.

Whenever her brother-inlaw visited, both of them went into her bedroom and close the door. One can imagine what goes on between them. She is very close to her sister, but she is jealous of her because of this man who marry her sister.

You have fooled your boyfriend. You knew he is not the one who impregnated you, but you told him that he is responsible for getting you pregnant, and he believed you and accept the child. Curse me as much as you would like, but I consider you a very wicked woman.

I am glad that the father of the child has been giving you support for him, but I hope that after he has grown up you will tell him the truth.

You are still in love with your child’s father, but I hope you would learn to let go even as this man is planning to get married. There is another big problem. Don’t you think that the woman he is marrying should know that he has fathered a child? That is something to think about.

“Sometimes I look at my son and I say to myself, ‘You shouldn’t be here.’ But I love him.”