Stepbrother peeping on me

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I live with my father and stepmother, who is older than my father. She has a son who is 16 years old, and he has his own room. I have my own room, but I do not trust him.

His mother does not like me because I caught him peeping at me, and I complained to my father. My father talked to him about it and my stepmother called me a liar, and said that her son would never peep on me. My father told him that if he did that again, his mother would have to find somewhere else for him to live. From that time until now, I am not comfortable in my father’s house.

My step-mother does not like to see me talking to my father. One day my father nearly lost his temper because she was complaining to him about me. She told him that I have a boyfriend and I have been having sex. My father asked her how she knew that I was having sex; she said the way I behave tells her that I am having sex. She claims that I am behaving as a big woman. She complained that I was in the bathroom and she knocked on the door and I didn’t open it. She suggested that I was hiding something from her.

It is true that she knocked on the door, but I was in the shower and I locked the door because I did not want her son to come in there. Even before my father got married to this woman, I have always practised locking the bathroom door when I am inside.

My father told my step-mother that she would never get him to put me out of his house, because

I am his daughter and he has to protect me. He almost threw blows on her when she said to him that maybe I am his wife. I have never before heard my father use expletives, but that day he lost his temper and told her that she can get out of his ‘F’ place.

My mother is living with a man; she doesn’t have much to do in my life. I go to see her sometimes, but I will never go and live with my mother, and I am not comfortable living at home because of this boy. My father allows me to go out. My stepmother said I will soon get pregnant and that she will not take care of my baby. She has even vowed not to change his diaper.

Pastor, I am not foolish, I have social friends, but I don’t have an intimate boyfriend. I learnt to cook, so sometimes when I am at home I cook, but my stepmother never eats it. However, that doesn’t bother me because that is the way my father and I used to live. He used to cook sometimes, but when I am at home, I would cook.

I told my father that I would like to be a teacher. I applied to a teachers’ college. I am hoping to start college in September. I respect my father and he respects me, but I can’t respect my stepmother, because she is nothing but a liar. Tell me what to do, please.

P.

Dear P.,

You have written an intelligent letter. You are not a fool. What reason would you have to be against your stepbrother? You are old enough to know if a man is peeping on you. You were correct in telling your father about his behaviour. Your father was also correct in speaking to him about his behaviour. His mother should have spoken to him. She should have told him that he should be ashamed of himself, but instead, she accused you of lying on him.

I have to say that your stepmother’s mouth is filthy. She ought not to have told your father that he is behaving as if both of you are having an affair. She does not have any respect for your dad. I am glad that he was able to control himself and not hit her. It is only silly women who always raise this matter about men and their daughters when they see their husband having a good relationship with their daughters. Sometimes they try to humiliate their husbands by saying nasty things. If she continues to disrespect him, he may eventually ask her to leave. I hope it will not come to that.

You have a right to privacy; you were in the bathroom and your stepmother wanted to come in, but you didn’t open the door. She should have waited. I repeat, you have a right to privacy. You are an adult and you did not want to expose yourself to her. She did not have to behave as a fool and question what you have to hide.

Now, having said the above, let me say that you have a good relationship with your father. Right now his marriage is not going so well, perhaps you can suggest to your father that both of them should go and see a family counsellor. If he says that he is not interested, don’t push him to do so. I wish you well as you go to teachers’ college. I hope that you will become a good teacher.

Pastor