In love with a man thrice my age

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend who is very weird. When we became friends and he asked me to have sex with him. I told him that although I have had sex a of couple times it is not something I engage in very often. He was 20 years old and I was 18 at the time. He asked me if something was wrong with me why I wasn’t having sex and I told him no. He said that he would protect me if we had sex.

Nothing happened between us on our first date. He said that we should really have sex, but I told him I didn’t know him well enough. The second time we went out, he said he had somewhere to take me and I shouldn’t get upset. He drove to a well-known brothel. I sat in the car and refused to get out. I told him that if people were to see me coming and going out of that place they would not think highly of me. I eventually got out of the car after he convinced me that I should follow him because everything was alright. I could not see the face of the person who took the money from him for the room. I couldn’t say whether it was male or female.

I was not pleased with him and it took him a long time to undress me, because I was nervous and I told him I did not like the place. He begged me to forgive him for taking me there. Eventually, I allowed him to remove my pants and we spent about an hour. While we were there, someone knocked on the door and told us time was up. He replied by saying that he will pay for more time. So we spend about half an hour more.

I could not enjoy the sex, but he enjoyed himself, because when he was ejaculating I could feel it. I told him that never again would I go out with him to such a place. He admitted to me that he had been to this place several times and he went there because it is private. I did not go out with him for about four weeks but he kept calling and begging me to do so.

This man lives at his aunt’s house. He has his own room but his aunt is a Christian, so she does not allow him to take any woman there. However, last summer she went to America and he took me to the house and we slept together. I was relaxed and he made sure that everything was put in place. I made up the bed before leaving the following morning, and after showering, I cleaned the bathroom. He was so impressed.

The only problem is that he wanted me to come back to be with him to the brothel. The following week before his aunt returned to Jamaica, he said if I did not agree to the house, we should go back to the brothel. I told him that

I was not going back there. I have discovered that this guy only wanted me for my body. Whenever I talk to him about my future, he says I am young and I should not be thinking about my future. I told him I want to go back to school, and he told me that he can’t help me. I have met another man and he can help me, but he is three times my age. I really love him. He lives alone, but he told me he has a female visitor, but she would not come between us. I just have to give him my word that I love him and he will give me anything I want. He has also promised to send me to learn to drive and to buy me a car. I talk to my best friend about him and she told me that I should not be a fool; I should be glad that I have met an older man who really loves and cares for me. Pastor, do you think that it is wrong for me to go with this man. I need the help and my relatives cannot help me, so please give me your advice. B.L,

Dear B.L,

It is unfortunate that this man took you to a brothel without even advising you of his intentions. I suppose he did so because he saw you as a cheap girl, and this was the place that he had taken other women, and they did refuse to go there. You were correct in dropping him as your friend. He did not respect you, and neither does he have any future plans for you.

However, you are now faced with another problem. You have met another man who is much older than you, and he has suggested that he is willing to help you in many different ways. It is really up to you to decide whether you would want a much older man in your life.

Your best friend has told you that you should not reject this man, but it is solely up to you. Although he is much older than you the relationship can work, but I would suggest that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor and discuss the matter with him or her. Pastor