New guy wants to see me naked

Dear Pastor,

I grew up with my parents, two sisters and a brother. I have always been a Christian. My parents were very strict.

I wasn’t allowed to have boyfriends. I fell in love with a young man but he took advantage of me. When I was 16, he took my virginity and then he started to treat me like dirt. He told me every girl has to ‘give it up’, but he has found another girl and moved on.

I became very depressed. I hated him and I felt guilty. One Sunday morning in church, there was a guest speaker, and when I heard him preach, I wondered if someone had told him about me. He said that too many young women in the church were not waiting on God. They were listening to men and they only want girls from the church, and Christian girls should wake up.

I called the young man and I told him that I wanted to see him. I asked what he did not like about me and he told me that he wanted to play the field and didn’t want to hurt me. I told him I was depressed and frustrated. I told him I would do anything that he wanted. So we planned to go out on another date; I foolishly agreed. This time he rented a car and we went on the north coast. I asked him about his other girls but he did not want to discuss that. He told me that whenever I am lonely, I should go out with other girls, but I should stop putting my mind on him because I behave like a child. I did not have any self confidence. Looking back I feel ashamed for what I did with this guy.

I went for counselling and then a convention at a church. I met a man from one of the island churches. He was not a very handsome man, but he was a good teacher. We started to talk to each other on the phone. He asked me if I had ever gone with a man and I told him yes. He said he thought I was a saint. I asked him if he is willing to forgive me and he said he would because we are all sinners.

This guy and I are still talking, but he is changing. He said that he would like to take our relationship further. He is telling me that he wants me to come to his house. He lives in the west and I am in Kingston. I told him to come to Kingston first and meet with my relatives. He wants me to meet with his relatives first and to be prepared for us to get to know each other better, which means to have sex. I really love this guy, but I am afraid to have sex with him because of the experience with the other men. My father said that I should encourage him to come to Kingston and he can stay with us. Kindly give me your advice.

O.S.

Dear O.S.,

As I read your letter, I was convinced that you are not a bad girl. You were naïve a few years ago when you met this young man and thought that you were in love with him.

He led you to believe that he was an honest and truthful young man, but he only wanted to use you and you suspected. What happened between the both of you affected you for a long time. You don’t understand that not every man should be trusted and not all men are liars.

When a man tells a woman that she is the sweetest thing he has ever met, he is probably lying. He has probably told other women the same thing, but women like to hear the foolish talk that men give. So this man lied and you believed him. He is a wicked guy. Then you tried again with him, hoping that he would see that you were suffering emotionally and psychologically. He came back to you and had his way again, but moved on.

Your present boyfriend wants to take the relationship further. He has forgiven you of your past, but he feels that it is time to get into your pants and he has told you so. You are scared. He wants you to come to the country. You want him to meet your people first and your parents have been advising you to invite him over and to stay at your house with them.

If his motives are pure, he shouldn’t have any objection. However, he is anxious to make love to you. So let this man know that you are not ready to go that far. In fact, you have learned from your mistake and he should respect your position until after both of you are married. I wish you well.

Pastor

He wants me to meet with his relatives first and to be prepared for us to get to know each other better, which means to have sex.