Trying to leave my cheating girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I have a huge issue which I would appreciate your expertise and guidance on. I’m 23 and I met a young woman when I was 19.

The relationship was not perfect but it was comfortable. I took her out on birthdays; on Valentine’s Day she got presents from me even if I wasn’t able to see her because it was a long distance relationship. I was employed up until April 2023. I left my job due to the toxic work environment. However, she went overseas and in August and September, she covered my bills and gave me a really big push to start working again; which I did. I left that job due to an issue with the bank,. This time, however, I could tell she was not willing to support me anymore. She has found new friends who joined her on a path of unfaithfulness and manipulation.

She cheated on me between October and December. I found out by sheer gut feelings and signs that she had someone else. I took her phone, and after a struggle, I saw pictures and messages with the other man. In a fit of anger, I headbutted her. It’s now April and she’s still lying and cheating because one of my friends saw her. I asked her about it but she denied it.

Pastor, whenever she tells the truth, I will accept it and leave, but she lies so well and offers me no closure. I have given her everything, supported her, emotionally, physically, financially and I motivate her to make her a better person. I really fell so hard for her but now I am filled with regret and sorrow. I cannot operate as I used to and I now despise women. I wish she could come clean to me so I can leave. I have tried to leave before but after a week, she contacted me. Each time I make up my mind to leave, after a few days when she realises that I’m serious, she contacts me. I know she’s doing just enough to keep me because I am a good man to her.

I have female colleagues who want to beat her because of how badly she broke me. I never saw myself in this predicament and I need your help. If she gives me the closure I need, I would be able to leave her. Since we met, I have done nothing but show her love. I taught her what a real man feels like and nurtured her, but she does not reciprocate. She’s very argumentative and she does not know how to calm me down or be the submissive partner. Sometimes I don’t even know she’s lying until someone calls me and shares a bit of news with me.

I really want to move on with my life but I need closure, Pastor. She knew all about my past. I am beginning to become very violent toward her and she has opted to bring sharpened tools around me to ‘protect’ herself. I’m not going to lie, I have done my bit of wrongs, but she still says I am the best guy

she has been with. Now, she says if she does anything wrong, it’s my fault. I no longer want to spend my life with her. I am tired of her saying I am the one who made her cheat. She does not take accountability for her actions.

I suffer from PTSD due to depression and she even pushed me to the point of self harm. As I write to you, I am in tears; I never knew she would do this to me. All I wanted was to have a committed relationship but she keeps hiding her phone and if I pop up and surprise her, she gets upset. I am not sure how much more I can bear. I have tried to get her to speak with a counsellor. I have stayed consistent over the years with communication, treating her well and being a good man. My family and friends laugh and say that I am stupid.

I will be awaiting your response. Keep doing a great job, Pastor.

K.K.

Dear K.K.,

At your age, you should not allow a woman to spin you around and to make a fool of you. You found out that this woman was cheating and she admitted it to you. You keep saying that you want closure. What are you talking about? Leave the woman and move on with your life and stop making a fool of yourself.

This woman doesn’t have anything that you cannot get from another woman and you do not have anything that she cannot get from another man. It is as plain as that. What she has done should not cause you to lose trust in women. You keep repeating what this woman has done. Don’t be silly, walk away from her and don’t look back.

Pastor

Pastor, whenever she tells the truth, I will accept it and leave, but she lies so well and offers me no closure.