Korean Sauna / Jjimjilbang

Prepare to enter the mystifying world of Korean sauna. It’s not for Fanny Fainthearts, but it’s an experience you’ll never forget. Shoes off at entrance, pay upfront for the treatments you want, make sure you buy your own mitten, kitten (you will soon be well-acquainted, but you need not worry just yet), then slip into the spa outfit supplied, and off you go. The Korean version of spa is famous for its pinewood-burning kiln/cave saunas with a low opening and intense heat where you cook yourself while sitting on jute blankets (you will sometimes find wet, amethyst or adobe saunas complete with dried herbs too.) Next, if you wish, come the bobble-permed ajummas (old married gals) in their armoured bras and pants, who flop you (nude) on a plastic table and flay you with your special mitt. It’s a bit legs-akimbo, rough and tumble, but worth it, as you will never have been so baby-soft (except, of course, when you were a baby). Next, try the gyeongrak, incorporating elements of shiatsu, Swedish and Thai massage (coy gals beware, as those naughty ajummas will often rub your baps whether you like it or not). Now, drag yourself into the shower area, sluice the plastic stool (hmmm), sit down (errr), and then scrub top to toe, including jubblies. Note, it is pointless trying to remain decorous while sitting and soaping your bottom in public, so just get on with it. Rinse thoroughly, as no soap is allowed in the pools, and finally whip into the hotbath until fuchsia, then jump in the ice-cold plunge, stagger out and collapse (there is often a range of muddy, mineral-ish, herb-infused and/or effervescent baths to choose from with various properties and temperatures). Didn’t you do well? Never will you have felt so squeaky clean and scrubbed, and never will you have had so many Koreans staring at your foreign knackers. Ah, well...