Dear Abby Wife can no longer endure vicious tales man’s ex tells
Dear Abby: I have been with my husband for five years, and we have two children together. It’s my husband’s second marriage and my first. He and his first wife, “Gretchen”, had no kids, but they did have a long and messy divorce. She and her family live in the same small town as we do. Her favorite pastime is telling anyone who will listen that my husband physically abused and raped her.
I know my husband. In our five years together he has never so much as raised his voice to me or our children. I don’t presume to know what happened between him and Gretchen during their marriage, but I know in my heart it never got physical. I have spent five years listening to this garbage and hearing her put him down and say nasty things about me. I have reached my limit. Should I confront her or just keep refusing to acknowledge her?
– Drama with his ex
Dear Drama: You know that what your husband’s ex is saying isn’t true because you have been with your husband long enough to see the kind of person he is. Continue to ignore and avoid her. If someone repeats her stories, tell them that in your experience what she’s saying couldn’t be further from the truth. People who know you will understand what Gretchen’s saying for what it is – unhappiness and vindictiveness.
Dear Abby: A month and a half ago, my boyfriend of five years proposed. We are happy and excited. Most of the wedding party are my friends from college, who are like a family to me. They have also grown very close to my fiance.
One friend, “Eden,” defines herself as a “goth.” She wears dark lipstick, dark makeup and usually wears all black – lace, fishnets, etc. Her casual wear isn’t all that out of place. However, when she dresses up, the goth comes out in full force – parasol, thigh-high boots, overthe-top stuff (at least to me).
She’s invited to our wedding, and I’m concerned that she may go overboard with her wardrobe for the event. I do not wish to stifle her style or sense of self, but the guests will be mostly family and it’s a formal event. Is there a polite way to mention this to her and ask her to tone it down a bit? I don’t want to hurt her feelings or appear to be stuck up, however I am sure she will be in many of the photos.
– Polite Friend in Pennsylvania
Dear Friend: If there will be a wedding party and you have a maid of honor, the responsibility of explaining the “dress code” to Eden should fall to her – for the reasons you mentioned. Whether Eden takes offense is anybody’s guess, but at least the message won’t come directly from you. If she chooses to ignore the dress code and “come as she is,” focus on your happiness and do not let it ruin your day. As for the pictures, put her in the back.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.