By Abigail Van Buren
Age difference causes trouble in relationship
Dear Abby: I am in a relationship with a woman 25 years my junior. We talked at length about some of the issues we might encounter before we embarked on a relationship. We love each other completely. Her father, however, strongly disapproves based solely on our age difference. He has stated that he had no issues with me personally.
She recently told me that she isn’t happy and she wants us to spend some time apart. Neither of her two marriages worked out. She says I’m not the issue.
She wants to be with me, but her father would shun her — and me — if we were ever to be in the same room. He has actually said he’d walk out if I were present. She told me he was this way with her first marriage, which he did not approve of. What do I do? I love her, but I can’t get her to see how much I love and care for her and her two boys. How much space should I give her to figure herself out?
— Torn up in Pennsylvania
Dear Torn up: The woman you love may be twice divorced, but she isn’t free. She is firmly under her father’s thumb. The age difference is the least of your worries.
Regardless of your feelings for her, because she says she is no longer happy with you, it’s time to make a U-turn. And when you do, suggest that if she wants to have a future with anyone, it will happen sooner if she starts talking with a licensed therapist about her relationship with dear old Dad. She will never have a life of her own while he’s running it.
Dear Abby: I have been overweight more than half my life. I have tried many diets and exercise plans, and invariably I gain all those pounds back. I’m planning to have gastric sleeve surgery as soon as my surgeon can fit me into his schedule.
Although I have gone through all of the required office visits with my primary care provider, I haven’t made a final decision because I’m nervous about it. No one in my family knows except my husband.
My parents are elderly and probably would hate it and worry about me, so I don’t want them to know. As for my children, I know they won’t like it, but I don’t mind their knowing. I will (hopefully) lose 60 to 70 pounds.
Should I tell them in advance or wait until it becomes obvious? I’m a private person and don’t want anyone outside my immediate family knowing about this. I certainly don’t want any negative or snarky remarks from neighbors or my church family.
Am I being ridiculous, selfish or silly? If I don’t disclose, how will I explain how I lost the weight if someone asks without spilling my secret?
— Ready for a change in down South
Dear Ready: A way to do that would be to reply, “I have made the decision not to discuss my weight anymore. Please respect that.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.