Family ties
Maintaining ties with one’s family members is obligatory, regardless of how your family treats you. One must maintain these ties and treat his family with kindness, even if that family does not treat him well. Al-QaadhiIyaadh (a celebrated Muslim scholar) maintained that there is no disagreement among Muslim scholars regarding the fact that it is compulsory to honor family ties and strengthen the ties of kinship. Failure to do so is a grave sin.
Allah (to Whom belongs all mighty and majesty) says what can be translated as: “Then should it be regarded that you (hypocrites and wrong-doers) will turn away from Allah to spread corruption in the land, and let your divisiveness tear apart the bonds of your kinship? Those who do that are the faithless ones whom Allah has cursed, and thus, has He made them deaf to guidance and blinded their eyes to it.” (Muhammad 47: 22 - 23)
In the verse above Allah Almighty strongly criticizes and threatens those who spread corruption in the land and those who sever the ties of kinship; both of them are grave sins in Islam. If you want blessings and mercy from Allah, then be dutiful to your family members. Aisha (Prophet Muhammad’s wife) narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) said, “Kinship hangs by the Throne of Allah saying, “Whoever unites me (by being dutiful and considerate to his kith and kin), Allah will keep him connected to His mercy and kindness. But whoever separates himself from me (family relations), Allah will cut him off from His mercy and kindness.” (Refer to Al-Bukhari in Al-Fat’h 10/5,989 and Saheeh Muslim # 2,555.)
Being dutiful and considerate to your family members, trying to strengthen your ties with them, doing the best you can, will accrue to you a lot of mundane and spiritual benefits as well as bring untold rewards from Allah Almighty.
Abu Huraira narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “There is nothing in whose performance Allah is sincerely obeyed and thus expedites its rewards more than maintaining and strengthening family ties. On the other hand, there is nothing whose commission will hasten punishment more than tyranny, oppression, aggression, injustice, severing family ties, and perjury or false oaths.”
(Al-Albani rated it as authentic in Saheeh Al-Ja’mei, Hadeeth # 5,391). In this prophetic narration we are warned not to sever family ties to avoid fateful calamities from God. In another prophetic narration, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “There is no sin more deserving of having punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up for him in the next world, than oppression and severing family ties.” (At-Tirmidhi)
Family ties in Ramadan: These blessed days and nights of Ramadan serve to open up our hearts and minds as we humble ourselves before our Creator in sincere worship. Take the first step in reconnecting with your family members for the sake of God Almighty.
Take the first step: Regardless of how much time has passed since you have seen a family member or whatever transgression has made you keep your distance, use this time to reach out to a relative that you have been estranged from. Abu Huraira (Prophet Muhammad’s Companion) narrated that a man approached the Prophet (PBUH) and said, “O Messenger of Allah! I have relatives to whom I reach out, yet they cut me off. I am loving and loyal, yet they mistreat me. And I am kind and forbearing, yet they are cruel.” The Prophet (PBUH) replied, “If what you say is true, it is like feeding them with hot ashes.
And you will have from Allah Almighty an angel supporter and defender against them as long as you continue treating them that way.” (Saheeh Muslim 2,558)
But the best that can happen is that your desires for renewing the relationship will be reciprocated. If not, continue anyway, being dutiful to them for the sake of Allah. Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-A’as (Prophet Muhammad’s companion) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “To honor family ties is not to expect reciprocity or mutual benefit. Rather, it is to diligently maintain and develop relations even when your family members cut you off.” (Al-Bukhari 5,991)
Forgiveness is the key: There is no need to rehash the past once your estranged family member is in your presence. Forgiveness is the key to reestablishing your bond. So let bygones be bygones, even if in the innermost part of your heart you still feel that your kinsman wronged you. In as much as you earnestly invoke Allah to forgive you, you are duty-bound to forgive and forget.
Courtesy of the TIES Center: The TIES Center is a social and educational hub for expats in Kuwait whose motto is: Tolerance, Information, Empowerment, Solidarity. For more information, please call 252301015/6 or log onto: www.tiescenter.net