Understand each other’s perspective

BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS: Being mindful of the people you work with can help produce better results

WHEN you first start learning to drive, your instructor would have probably asked you to be mindful of others on the road. You know, as drivers in the sometimes treacherous roads of Malaysia, we should be mindful, at all times.

The dictionary describes “mindfulness” as a state of being aware of something. It also says it is a technique in which you focus all attention only on the present, experiencing thoughts, feelings and sensations, but not actually judging them.

Both these definitions play a significant role at your workplace. Especially in the context of developing and sustaining relationships with others.

I want to start with working out what being “aware” at your workplace, means. It is my belief that the most important awareness that you need is the ability to understand your co-workers. There is a saying, “no one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care”.

As clichéd as this sounds, there is an element of truth in this.

If you want a colleague or your boss to do something for you, first, you must have a strong relationship with them. No one is willing to go the extra mile for you, if in their mind, you are not connected with them. Or even worse, if they dislike you, as you have not bothered to show them that you are interested in building a relationship with them.

Your interactions with people in the service industry, clearly demonstrates this principle.

Years ago, it dawned on me that I was progressively going bald. And unlike the hundreds of thousands of men around the world who embrace the universal “comb-over” technique, or pay huge amounts of money for hair transplants, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and just shave my head.

And, over the years of hairlessness, I have developed a routine of visiting my local Indian barber shop for a clean head-shave twice a month, or so. I find it very therapeutic and relaxing. For the price I pay, my barber Chithran meticulously shaves my head. Once he is finished shaving, he spends a good 10 minutes massaging my head.

Recently, I was at the barber’s and I noticed another man, who like me has embraced baldness with great gusto. He was having his head shaved, too. He received the same treatment that I usually get. Except, there was no end-of-shave head massage. So I casually asked if he had opted for a cheaper version that I was not aware off. The response was heartwarming. Apparently, the head massage was a special only for me. Others had to pay a premium if they wanted it.

But why do I get this special treatment? I reckon this is the reason.

In the six years that I have been doing my bi-monthly visits to Chithran, I came to know about his family in India. I often asked about his two sons, Jayanthan and Santosh, and how they were progressing in school. We had also watched late night Tamil movies together.

The traffic is not all one way. Each time he comes back from a trip home to India, I get a gift. Every year for my birthday, I get an early morning call with a bunch of Indian guys singing “Happy Birthday” lovingly, though completely off key.

I receive extraordinary service only because I respect the services he provide, and appreciate that he has perspectives borne out of his life experiences that I just do not have.

Similarly, at your workplace, every single person has a unique perspective that he or she will bring to the table. Some may resonate with you, others may not. But it is crucial for you to realise that while you may not agree with the way the other person thinks, but to fulfil your purpose of coming to work, you will need to combine your efforts with them, to deliver results.

For this to happen, you will need to build strong relationships. And these relationships cannot be built if you do not care about the people you work with. The only way your coworkers can recognise that you care is when you communicate about the things that really matter to them.

This will resonate with them, and in turn they will connect with you. When there is resonance in your team, you will all produce better results, collectively.

Malcolm Forbes, the American entrepreneur and publisher of the world renowned Forbes Magazine once said: “Diversity is the art of thinking independently, together.”

This can only happen when you are mindful of the people you work with.

The writer