WORDS MATTER AND CAN HURT
We must make effort not to let personal prejudices cloud our judgment about what is clearly wrong from right
SOCIAL media chat groups have been in the news lately. It is a most telling sign of our times and for those in authority, whose business it assumes to have some control over our societal narratives.
Some will suggest it is no business of those in authority over such matters of personal thoughts and thinking, but I personally tend to disagree that such authorities can or should ease up, especially on matters which can severely impact peace and harmony in our delicate multi-racial, multi-religious society.
But, this is more a personal tale of my own experience in a chat group of school old boys and girls, which I only recently joined.
A simmering controversy and some debate had raged on for some time (or so I gathered from some who had been in this group much longer than I have) over the fondness of some of the men in the group to tell risqué jokes, which occasionally degenerated into crude locker-room banter.
It probably would not have mattered much if all was strictly within the confines of an all-men chat group.
But there were women (mostly wives, mothers and even grandmothers) in the group, and some of them invariably voiced their disquiet and discomfort over all the sexist banter. Appeals for wiser counsel and greater selfcontrol have been futile.
Matters took a decided turn for the worse when one of the men aimed a particularly crude remark at one of the ladies in the group.
For over a week after that remark, nothing much happened and this, despite some grumblings and oblique references aired by a few about how uncalled for the remark had been.
A belated apology came but only after the lady in question finally let rip a scathing riposte to the crude remark directed towards her.
But that, sadly, was not all of it.
Some of the men quickly latched on with remarks in solidarity with the offending fellow (while offering nothing to the poor offended lady).
Some of these men even felt offended by the seeming temerity of the lengthy reply given by the offended lady. A not uncommon, but perhaps, totally unacceptable case of blaming the innocent victim?
Unfortunate, too, were those who took to implying that those who had spoken up for the lady in question should avoid taking a holier-than-thou stance!
This episode is told here only because I presume it to be a most telling vignette and very sad commentary on at least two serious matters affecting our society as a whole, and therefore, will tend to expose the episode as not altogether unique.
The far more serious (and perhaps even more so because plenty seemingly take it so cavalierly) has to do with general sexist attitudes among our men towards women.
While many people in more developed countries may have gone to the extreme of being ridiculously cautious over such remarks (as they are about remarks perceived to be discriminatory based on race, religion, gender or even political views), and have since brought on something of a backlash against too overtly politically-correct language, we as a nation, remain stuck almost in the Stone Age over such matters!
There may be a gaping wound in our culture and society, which is blind to contradictions within ourselves, or is at least far too frivolously and blissfully oblivious to others.
We tend to think ourselves fully mature adults able to self-regulate and self-police ourselves with little or no need for any hint of “Big Brother” overseeing us constantly or even periodically.
As this story illuminates, one cannot be so sure.
Society at large and leading members within it must make some real effort not to let our personal prejudices cloud our judgment about what is clearly wrong from what is harmless banter.
It is unacceptable in polite company to direct racist or sexist remarks against particular individuals within any group under whatever circumstances. Words matter and can hurt, almost as much as bullets!
There may be a gaping wound in our culture and society, which is blind to contradictions within ourselves, or is at least far too frivolously and blissfully oblivious to others.