THE PARENTING PYRAMID
As mums, let’s pat ourselves on the shoulder, enjoy our chocolates and smell the roses for a job well done
TOMORROW’s Mothers Day celebration is the perfect occasion to reflect upon the most important part of a mother’s job. While flowers and chocolates are partly in recognition of all the cooking, washing and countless hours spent sending and fetching, parenting is, without a doubt, the most important and most challenging aspect of a mother’s duty.
It might be the biggest source of pride, or of abysmal anxiety one will ever experience. Yet, it is also the one job that comes without certification, degree or even licence. We are simply expected to do it, and to do it well.
Fret not, the astute parent will rejoice. Your local library features shelves, aisles, entire departments even, filled with relevant books, guides, manuals, magazines and encyclopedias, on the subject — the subject being as varied as the desired outcome itself.
A child could be raised to be carefree and caring, self-confident and humble, dependable but resilient, honest yet respectful, compassionate, competitive, pro-active and grateful, of general as well as emotional intelligence.
By no means do I wish to undermine any author’s authority on the subject of newborn nurturing, a paediatric professional’s perception on child healthcare or a therapist’s theories on a toddler’s tantrums.
Unfortunately, in my humble opinion, children tend to rewrite the development playbook as soon as we try to follow a scripted narrative. My children never did what any book or guide said they would do. I simply winged it, and I dare say, I winged it reasonably well.
As parents, we are kept on our toes, not only by our progeny, but also by other, more experienced progenitors as well. The next hurdle always seems to be the big one.
“Of course, sleepless nights with a colicky newborn are tough, but wait until she can walk and grabs everything in sight,” they tell us, or “Aw, so cute, he’s holding on to the tablecloth (with the hot teapot on it), you just wait for the ‘terrible two’s.”
“Sharing is caring,” we are reminded on the playground, while new findings advocate the merit of youngsters learning to wait patiently for their turn on the swing set. Schooling opens up a real Pandora’s Box of should’s and shouldn’ts.
The early learning years introduce us to the age of reason as much as they bring us to the brink of madness.
“Ha, you know nothing until you deal with teenagers,” the foreshadowing goes.
While the measure of opportunities for self-doubt and seemingly inevitable failure is colossal, it is also quite universal. What is perceived as good parenting, however, varies widely as it is deeply embedded in cultural sensitivity. Raising children in a foreign culture adds new perspective as well as a vast contingency for confusion to the mix.
Until we are introduced to the concept of “The Pyramid”. Asian children are, for the most part, educated following a triangular chronicle. At a very young age, boundaries are fairly wide, like the base of said pyramid.
Much seems accepted, a lot is tolerated. I used to watch in awe as a maid ran alongside my neighbour’s toddler in the park, trying to feed the little one a few mouthfuls of rice and chicken.
Malaysian pre-schoolers seemed to possess boundless energy, as they partake in family gatherings into the wee hours.
As they grow older, however, their freedom is curtailed. With age comes restrictions.
The older the child, the more respect is due to their elders; the more life-shaping the stipulation, the heavier the parents’ input weighs. Professional and bridal callings often require parental approval. The fostering pyramid grows narrower with each year.
The complete opposite is true in a traditional Western education.
While “children are to be seen but not heard” is a somewhat antiquated notion, our nestlings are led on a short leash during their early years.
Toddlers’ table manners and timetables follow a strict regiment, while teenagers are entrusted with more self-discipline and individual responsibilities.
Life and career choices are mostly tolerated if not unquestioned; the pyramid is standing on its tiny tip.
Whether we plan on being authoritative, authoritarian or permissive, parenting peer-pressure and ever-changing theories on the subject of child-rearing require constant compromise and adaptability.
Whatever way our very own pyramid points, we celebrate Mothers Day (and Fathers Day soon too), and we smile at the distant memory of survived sleep depravation, toddler tantrums and teenage irritabilities.
Let’s pat ourselves on the shoulder, enjoy our chocolates and smell the roses. These tokens are our degree certificate for a mother’s toughest job well done.
Happy Mothers Day.
Whatever way our very own pyramid points, we celebrate Mothers Day (and Fathers Day soon too), and we smile at the distant memory of survived sleep depravation, toddler tantrums and teenage irritabilities.