DON’T BE A PARENT IF YOU CAN’T TAKE THE HEAT
Children are a blessing and should never be burdened with adult issues
HARI Raya Aidilfitri is, undoubtedly, about fostering the spirit of love and togetherness.
After celebrating the festive occasion for 30 of my conscious years, I have come to realise that it is especially meaningful to children. You know, meeting their cousins, grandparents, good food and duit raya.
And, more often than not, you will witness that life imitates art, especially if you find yourself before the TV watching a Malay drama depicting a broken family, with their children yearning for the togetherness as espoused by the celebration.
I, for one, told myself to never allow family break-ups affect the love and care for the children.
Divorces and separations can be tough for everyone, more so the children who, most of the time, become victims of circumstances.
And, it irks me when some divorced couples continue their bitterness and put the children in the middle of their conflict. Some even resort to turning them against the other parent, which only increases the difficulties for everyone.
Here’s a side note to bitter exes — Seriously lah. Go read the Quran or find a hobby. Stop imitating evil plans hatched by monologuing evil fictional in-laws on TV. Move on, please. Thanks.
I’ve seen many cases where the children are devoid of love and are led astray simply because the parents are unsure of how to handle and deal with conflicts. Worse, there are even those who think that their involvement and responsibility towards their children end following a divorce.
No matter what the reasons are, neglecting a child is a form of abuse and will leave a lasting effect on the child.
Children are a blessing from the start and they should not be burdened with adult issues. Do we really want them to grow into adults only to one day cut us off because we provided them the scissors? I mean figurative scissors, i.e. our treatment.
Parents should learn to make the best of the situation by working on rebuilding their lives, find new and satisfying goals or even take a positive view of life again. Unless you’re Tom Hanks being a castaway on some island. Bummer.
Having seen all these, I made a promise to myself that my children will not have to tread on a path filled with abandonment, rejection, anger, hurt, confusion and insecurity. Those emotions will turn you into a Sith, not a Jedi.
The general perception that children from broken homes are trouble is far from the truth. There have been countless cases where the children have grown to become stable and successful individuals.
Children are known to develop best when surrounded by those who love them, making coping with a family change a breeze. They need to feel they are loved and doted on constantly, no matter what — it shapes their confidence that there is nothing they can’t conquer in life.
Thankfully, my kids, aged between 4 and 12, have come to accept their new “normal”. I have awesome kids.
I sometimes catch myself staring at them and smiling. Not because they did anything amazing or spectacular, but simply because I feel blessed that I’ve been given a chance to walk through the doorway of motherhood, an entirely new world that can be overwhelming at times.
I admit that I haven’t really mastered motherhood. Occasionally, I have let them down and made mistakes. I know that what is best for them is not always what is most convenient for me. I come with flaws, but I always try to make up for my shortcomings.
The kids and I have healthy communication and I can never stress enough on the need to share with me everything. No secrets for now. This is because, if mummy were to find out, siap!
Blessed with a brood of talkative rug rats, communication is, of course, a breeze. However, there are times when it can get a little crazy and extremely loud. Everyone seems to want to speak at the same time, all competing to have their words heard by going one decibel higher than the other. So, mummy has to step in and maintain order.
We normally share ideas, thoughts and concerns with topics ranging from bullying in school, of memory loss when it comes to study time, requesting longer time-off on their tech gadgets to boyfriend/girlfriend problems.
I enjoy listening to them, with some stories creatively told. Also, I enjoy the fact that they run everything by me instead of relying on others who may or may not know how to provide correct answers, or worse, turning to Google for solutions. Oh, and they also know that at the end, their arguments are invalid because mummy is always right. Muahahaha.
We are also big on affection, always giving one another bear hugs and kisses for no reason. And, it warms my heart when this act of love continues among them even when I am not present, or so I’ve been told.
My youngest, however, has a knack of asking for big long hugs and kisses at very odd times. For example, there was this one time when I was in the kitchen kicking a storm. With one hand covered in tumeric powder and another holding the chicken meat, he insisted that he gets some TLC (tender loving care) right that instance! There was another time when I was juggling a huge pile of dirty laundry. He rushed towards me screaming “I want a hug, I want a hug” and threw his arms around my thighs.
This little one simply loves knowing that he is priority.
To my children: Sara, Daniel, Rayyan and Miqael, I’ve loved you long before you were born. And, when you arrived, you are one of the best things that have ever happened in my life. There is no greater honour, love and blessing than to have you call me “mummy”. All of you are the apples of my eye and my pride and joy, till the day I close my eyes forever.
Having seen all these, I made a promise to myself that my children will not have to tread on a path filled with abandonment, rejection, anger, hurt, confusion and insecurity. Those emotions will turn you into a Sith, not a Jedi.