Fear or respect?

ONE of the most precious commodities in parenting is respect. Life would be so much easier when people respect one another. However, many people are confused between fear and respect. Think back to your own childhood. Did you follow the rules out of respect for your parents or was it because you feared punishment?

Only we know the answer. Now, as parents ourselves, how do we ensure that our children respect, rather than just fear us?First, let’s look at the difference between the two.

There was this story online which caught my attention. A long time ago, there lived a very cruel king. All the citizens feared him because of his harsh ways. The king had a dog named Jack that he loved more than anything. One fateful morning, Jack died.

The king organised the last rites for Jack and the entire city came to the cremation grounds. The king was very happy to see that his people loved him so much, making him feel like the most popular king in the world.

After a few years, the king died but no one came to his funeral.

This story demonstrates the difference between fear and respect.

Fear is often associated with power and position. It’s especially true when one takes power and position to the extreme.

Now, as parents, we have both power and position. How have we been using them? Are we like the king who went too far and began abusing them?

Or are we like Jack the dog, loved and adored by our family?

FEAR VS RESPECT

With power comes responsibility. However, it’s easy to be blinded by it. I know of a father who seems to have fallen into this trap.

When I spoke to his family, everybody complained about how strict and harsh he is.

Although he means well, his absolute use of his power has caused tension in the family. His children tells me that they don’t feel inspired at all. Instead, they are always afraid of his harsh comments which in turn, has killed their ambitions.

They are afraid to make mistakes because their father would use it against them.

From the outside, the family looks like any normal, happy family. But every time I meet them, there are endless stories of how they’re mentally abused by their father without him even realising it.

I encouraged them to have the courage to rectify the situation but it will take a lot of time and guts to do so, considering the years of unpleasant experiences they had to endure.

As for the rest of us, let’s reflect on our style right now. Do your spouse and children fear or respect you? Do they rejoice or mourn during your absence? Do they feel inspired or threatened every time you deal with them? Be honest because only you know the answer.

Congratulations if you have always been a respected parent. Otherwise, it’s never too late to change our style because family is forever and we want them to still miss us long after we are gone.