PREVENTING TEEN SUICIDE IN ERA OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Experts are worried that impressionable teenagers may be influenced by social media or TV shows that ‘romanticise’ the act of suicide, writes

THE grieving families of two California teenagers who committed suicide last April, just days after watching Netflix’s said the show acted as a trigger for their daughters. Bella Herndon, who was three days shy of 16, and Priscilla Chui, who had battled depression and struggled in school, did not know each other, but had watched the show at around the same time and died four days apart.

In the series, based on Jay Asher’s bestseller of the same name and produced by pop star Selena Gomez, young Hannah Baker committed suicide, and her reasons for doing so are contained in a series of cassette tapes she mailed to her classmates.

A few months ago, a college student in the Klang Valley allegedly imitated what he saw in the show by jumping off a building to his death. His friends were shocked by the incident as they had seen similar behaviour in other friends, who watched the series.

In 2016, Befrienders Kuala Lumpur reported 7,446 calls related to suicide; 26 per cent of them were students.

Social media and teen shows can be very influential in the lives of young adults today, because it’s about wanting to connect; to be in tune with every single experience that life can offer them, said HELP University counselling psychologist Dr Gerard Louis.

“They don’t want to be left out yet ironically, this generation of young people describe themselves as isolated and excluded. Many studies are beginning to show that there is a connection between heavy social media use and feeling isolated.”

He said what researchers were trying to figure out was whether isolation drove social media use or the heavy use of social media drove isolation, as all the time spent on social media deprived them of real interactions with people.

“Another reason people feel a sense of exclusion is that people watch all these interactions going on in social media and that it seems like everyone is connecting with everyone else but it always seems like other people’s lives are so much better than theirs, such as dream vacations and new homes.

“So the more they see this, the more they feel left out and are never able to get what they want, hence the greater the level of exclusion and possibly depression.”

However, he explained, this did not mean that social media had a causal link to suicide.

“We don’t know yet the mechanism that happens regarding this issue but there are certainly relationships here between high social media use and the heightened sense of exclusion and isolation. This makes people more vulnerable to suicide attempts.”

Louis pointed out that teenagers were more susceptible to ideas of suicide.

“For one, the teenage world can typically be a very confusing place. A very famous psychologist, Stanley Hall, coined the term ‘storm and stress’ to describe a heightened state of turmoil that teenagers experience due to the rapid physiological, psychological, emotional and social changes taking place in their lives.

“They’re not children anymore but not yet adults. Many go through an ‘identity crisis’ during this stage. Their views of right and wrong are constantly changing, often depending on their peers for direction and who influence them most. It’s often also said that the self esteem is most battered during this stage.

“On top of all of this, there’s the stress of having to constantly do well in school and exams. The pressure for many of these young people is great. While they have many virtual friends on Facebook, Instagram and other social media platforms, they remain lonely.”

He said suicide happened when people did not feel a strong sense of connection with significant others and experience a deep sense of hopelessness regarding the future.

“In such a psychological state, and without a strong anchor in life, you can understand why ideas of suicide or self-harm appeal to many young people.”

Homemaker Stephanie Leong believes it depends on how the child is brought up.

“Children who are brought up properly are strong and confident in their own beliefs and are not easily swayed by others. They most likely will have a responsible adult who was always there for them when they were growing up, to guide them, to listen to them and to be their pillar of strength. Spending half an hour a day of quality time with them is better than none at all.

“For children who grew up without parental love and guidance, they will likely turn to their peers for attention. If their peers are of a bad influence or vicious in moral character, the child will be susceptible to their impact. The child may grow up insecure and without selfawareness. They will do anything to please their peers, just to be accepted,” said the mother of two.

She said social media and teen shows were big influences in the lives of young adults simply because they spent so much time there.

“If personalities they hero-worship are a bad influence, they’ll most likely mimic their behaviour.”

Leong, who founded the Facebook group “Parents To Tweens & Teens – Malaysia”, explained she started it when her kids were in their teens so parents like herself could discuss the problems their teenage children might face, and to support each other.

“Most parents fear the rebellious teen. For whatever reasons, be it hormonal or influence from friends, a docile and happy child may suddenly turn into an angry and stubborn teen. It’s really hard to get through to them.

“We, as parents, must learn to grow with them. We cannot discipline them like a 2-year-old anymore. We have to evolve with them. We need to be their friend more than a parent. We want to gain their trust so they will confide in us. We need to learn to listen and not judge. We need to let the leash loose.”

From discussions with other parents in the group, it’s clear that if parents are too strict, their kids will stop telling them what they’re up to, she added.

“After all, they’re teens and not children that we can easily control anymore. They can do a lot of things without our knowledge. We need to choose our battles and not fight them on every little issue.”

But how can parents be an authoritative figure and confidant at the same time?

“I believe that for our children to respect us, we must also learn to respect them as individuals. We have to be consistent. For instance, my children know that they can get away with certain things but they also know that I draw the line at being untruthful and being disrespectful.

“A messy room is not nice but it’s not the end of the world. My children are not afraid to tell me that they’ve done something wrong. They know the worst they will get from me is an earful. Also, do not make promises to your children you can’t keep. It’s okay to say you’ll try instead. And it’s also okay to say you're sorry if you’ve wronged them.”

A student counsellor from a pri-