M ake every day special
MOTHER’S Day has come and gone but it’s never too late to do something special for your mum. Any day can be a special day for it. For numerous reasons, not everyone can be with their mother on Mother’s Day, or any public-declared day for that matter. But that doesn’t mean that gifts and gestures should be kept for next year.
When you’re a caregiver to someone whose condition is uncertain, every day is special and important because next year seems too far and sometimes impossible.
When you’re a caregiver to someone who can’t join the world out there, you can try to bring the world to him or her. You don’t need a fortune to do this (although that would, of course, help) but it’s possible with some planning.
I can’t help but remember those years with my late mother. All her life she worked hard to support her family and enjoyed many things in life when she could.
On Mother’s Day, all the children would always be there with her. We’d take her out for meals and shower her with gifts and flowers. She’d always protest that we shouldn’t spend so much on her, that we should save that sum for a rainy day. But from her smiles and laughter, you know that she truly enjoyed being spoilt.
When she became ill and could no longer do many things, we saw the joie de vivre slowly ebb out of her. It didn’t happen suddenly. But on one of the Mother’s Day afternoons we were with her, we caught her sighing deeply.
I asked her if anything was wrong. Although she replied that all was fine, I wasn’t convinced. Her wistful look and brave smile denoted otherwise.
Then she said, “Mother’s Day is once a year and I love it when you’re all here to see me. And then you all go off to your busy lives. I just miss having all of you at the house. I’d love it if you all visited more often.”
That was when it dawned on me that we could be more caring and thoughtful if we planned our days properly. Mother’s Day is good in that it reminds us to show our appreciation to mum but surely we could do it more often.
EVERY DAY IS MOTHER’S DAY
So we formed a plan — of things we could do for our parents so that they didn’t miss us too much. We’re lucky because we’re a big family and when everyone pitches in, our parents would definitely be occupied.
So here’s what we did. I would call mum every morning for that “Good morning” call as I drove to work. I’d ask if all was well and told her what my day would be like. I’d end the day with a “Good night” call to tell her how my day had been.
Most of the time, the calls were really short although there were days when I had plenty to tell.
My sisters would organise for someone to come to the house to do her hair and nails at home. Mum loved her manipedi sessions. So did Dad. They’d be tickled pink by their shiny buffed nails and a good shampoo.
On some days, we would turn their bedroom into a “spa salon”, complete with scented candles, music and a masseuse.
Doing this kept everyone busy, and our days full. On days no one felt like cooking, we ate out or brought food home. When my parents were hospitalised, sometimes for weeks on end, we’d ask their doctors how we could keep their spirits up. The key to anyone’s well-being, we were told, was to sometimes have a change of routine.
Something as simple as taking them out of the room in a wheelchair to the hair salon for a “wash, cut and blow”, or to a coffee shop downstairs to have a drink may give them that boost to want to get better.
It could make them more willing to take their medicines and go for treatments to improve their condition. It gave them something to look forward to. This was, of course, done with the doctor’s knowledge and permission. Sometimes it’s not a good idea to venture out of the room for fear of exposure to infection.
I remember how mum loved the feel of the morning sun on her face and the smell of fresh air outside instead of the smell of hospital.
“You don’t know how much we take things for granted,” mum used to say. “It’s only when you can’t have something anymore that you really miss it.”
Today, those words echo in my mind. Mum’s gone. There may be only one day in a year that is called Mother’s Day, but every other day can be special too if you want it to be.