Power of forgiveness at workplace
TODAY is Hari Raya Aidilfitri. And to all readers who have observed Ramadan and are celebrating the end of this auspicious month of fasting and prayer, I extend a warm “Selamat Hari Raya”.
It is common to greet each other with the phrase “maaf zahir dan batin” on this day. This translates as “forgive my physical and emotional lapses”.
Aidilfitri is not only for celebrations, but is also a time for atonement. People ask forgiveness for their transgressions, which they may have done knowingly or unknowingly to others through their words, thoughts, deeds and actions; but have worked on cleansing them as a result of the fasting in during Ramadan.
Forgiveness is one of the most underrated traits at workplace.
A project done with Google employees in 2012 to build a more courageous culture, including the courage to forgive, also showed positive impact.
Courageous leadership Participants exhibited a greater understanding of the power of stressful situations that negatively affect behaviour after the sessions. The employees felt better and more connected.
According to employee testimonials, they experienced the sensation of letting go of heavy weights. The forgiveness exercise was immensely powerful. The company recounted that their employees took more social risks, like offering new ideas, admitting fears or concerns, and asking for or offering help, after the training programme.
A 2016 study published in the American Journal of Health showed that the power of forgiveness improved well-being and productivity in professional settings.
The research indicated that compassion, which was associated with a forgiving disposition, was clearly linked to improved output, decreased absenteeism, and fewer mental and physical health problems, such as sadness and headaches. It also pointed to reduction in interpersonal stress.
How do you foster forgiveness at work?
The biggest problem at workplace is the unresolved stress that comes from interpersonal conflict. You lose compassionate capacity and this makes you lose the ability to forgive.
You can influence the culture at workplace. Your actions will inspire colleagues to become apt at forgiving others.
I recommend you to use the model developed by psychologist Everett L. Worthington, called “REACH”, which will help you learn to forgive at workplace. This model has been tested with positive results in scientific studies.
The first step is to recall the hurt (R). Worthington said to start to heal, you must accept that you had been offended. Once you do this, you must decide not to be nasty and hurtful, because often, you want to punish the other person.
Do not treat yourself as a victim and the other person as a scoundrel. Decide to forgive and choose not to pursue “payback”. Instead, look for value in them. Remember, everyone has value.
The next is to empathise (E). The method for empathy, which leads to forgiveness, is when you imagine speaking to the other person. In your mind, allow them to tell you why they may have acted in the way they do, which wronged you.
This exercise, as hokey as it may sound, will help you build empathy. Sometimes, even if you cannot empathise with cynical behaviour, you can feel sympathy, which helps you heal.
The third step is to remind yourself that you can give altruistic gifts (A). Worthington asks you to offer forgiveness as an unselfish gift. I am sure you have had occasion to wrong someone, a friend, spouse or someone close to you and they have forgiven you. Similarly, when you forgive magnanimously, you are giving a gift to that person who has hurt you.
Next is to commit to the forgiveness (C). Write a little note down in a notepad that today you have forgiven that person. Like all goals, the successful ones come only when you commit to doing them.
The final step is to hold on to forgiveness (H). As your anger resurges from time to time, learn to hold on to forgiveness. Remember that feeling of relief when you are forgiven for something and keep reconnecting with that.
Forgiveness does not mean that you condone bad behaviour. Workplace must have policies and procedures for dealing with serious wrongdoings. But I’d like to draw your attention to the old, wise saying “… resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die”.
Do not allow a grudge to poison you, especially at workplace.
As everyone celebrates the end of Ramadan, and wishes of “maaf zahir dan batin” echo, you must give meaning to these words. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
The biggest problem at workplace is the unresolved stress that comes from interpersonal conflict. You lose compassionate capacity and this makes you lose the ability to forgive.
The writer is managing consultant and executive leadership coach at EQTD Consulting. He is also the author of the national bestseller “So, You Want To Get Promoted?”