Teach them to be independent

I’VE always believed in helping those who can’t help themselves, regardless of their ability or disability. We take it all in our stride and see how much they can learn from the lessons and exercises. When working with special children, I’ve always believed that we should try to teach them to be as independent and as able as possible. That’s why my team and I have always focused on early intervention and living skills for them. It doesn’t matter how long it takes them to learn a skill; the important thing is that they learn. Some are fast learners; others take years to learn a simple skill.

The living skills they learn can be as basic as washing hands and face, brushing teeth, bathing, going to the toilet, dressing up, combing hair, and putting on footwear. Grooming and personal hygiene are so important. They must learn to feel good in their cleanliness, and take pride in how they look and present themselves.

The next phase is for them to be able to feed themselves and clean up after meals. Some may be able to learn how to cook simple food and handle the stove. But there’ll be others who find these tasks challenging.

More complex tasks that follow include tidying up and cleaning their living space, for example, making their own beds. Again, this isn’t for everyone as it could be beyond his or her comprehension and physical abilities.

Teaching living skills and watching them struggle as they try to do things that we take for granted isn’t easy. Some take months and even years to be able to brush their teeth properly. Others tremble and shake as they focus on lifting the spoon filled with food from the plate to their mouth.

If you’re impatient, you’ll just want to do it all for them — feed them their meals, bathe and dress them too. It’s so much faster and neater. It may be good for you, the caregiver, but not so for the care receiver.

SELF-CARE AND DIGNITY

Case in point would be caring for the ailing elderly too. It would be so easy to do everything for them. We might even view it as pampering them, saying it’s the least we could do for them. We think we’re helping them, but are we really? Or are we doing more harm than good?

While not every case is the same (in that our ailing elderly loved one may be suffering different conditions), we should be mindful that they should maintain their independence for as long as physically and mentally possible. Whether they live on their own or not, they should be encouraged to do things for themselves as much as possible.

Self-care and dignity are important. It helps them from forgetting their daily routine. It gives them a sense of purpose and pride. If they can’t do everything themselves, you can meet them half way. For example, if they’re no longer able to cut their own nails or shave, take them out for mani-pedi or to the barber.

Going shopping to buy new clothes, underwear and perfume can add joy to their lives. Looking, feeling and smelling good can make a huge difference to their social lives, mental health and self-worth. Having something to look forward to each day beats sitting around feeling sorry for oneself and waiting to die.

Where meals are concerned, getting them to prepare their own breakfast gives them the power to choose what they’d like to eat — be it fruit, cereal or a hot meal that they can help prepare and cook too.

Alternatively, if they prefer a tapau (takeaway) meal such as nasi lemak and roti canai, let them open the packet for themselves. The anticipation of eating something they enjoy can trigger many emotions, namely looking forward to something each day.

EXPAND THEIR WORLD

Take them out grocery shopping and let them choose what they like to eat. When you come home, encourage them to unpack the bags and keep the items according to where they should go.

It’s good for them to do this because then they’ll know (and hopefully remember) where they’ve kept them. This sense of accountability keeps them on their toes and forces them to think and remember.

Going out, making decisions, telling you what they want and interacting with other people other than their caregivers, expands their world just that much more. Their willingness to form and maintain relationships outside of what they’re used to prevents them from feeling isolated and useless.

This is far different from if you were to do everything for them. They can just slowly give up. Why should they try to do anything if everything is done for them? This doesn’t do much for their will to live.

Certainly we should help our ailing elderly as much as we can. However, helping them do small self-care measures would help them even more — physically, mentally and socially.