Danger of toxic parents
ONE of the worst things that we can be to our children is to be a toxic parent. What’s a toxic person? It’s a person who likes to criticise, condemn, blame, judge and label others, among others.
He appears like a firm person but often hurts other people’s feelings in the process. It’s difficult to discuss anything with him as negative emotions often get in the way. Toxic people enjoy drama and gossip. They also complain a lot and often blame everything and everyone but themselves.
I’m sure we have someone like this in the family. Worse still, it could be us. One of the worst traits of a toxic person is his love of being critical. Let’s look at this habit and why it’s so damaging.
No one likes to be criticised. It reduces their self-worth and may cause them to think that they’re not good enough. I certainly wouldn’t want my children to think or feel that way. There’s a fine line between “giving feedback” and “criticising”.
While giving feedback to improve something is important and should be done regularly, we need to be extra careful with our choice of words so that no line is crossed.
Criticising others will cause them to shut down and become defensive. No amount of words or message will then flow through, just like that old Malay saying of “pouring water on a leaf.” The water will just flow through without making any impact whatsoever. A wasted effort, don’t you think?
Giving feedback, on the other hand, focuses on pinpointing the actions and suggesting new ways to improve them. The listener will immediately become more receptive and open to learn more. They’re no longer defensive because they know it isn’t about them as a person, but about their actions. Actions can be right or wrong, but nobody likes to think of themselves as a bad person.
TURN THE SITUATION AROUND
It’s extremely important that we learn to control our emotions when dealing with potentially damaging situations.
Always remember to focus on the actions, not the person. Keep this in mind, practice it and then practice it again until you perfect it. Not only will it make you feel better, it will also make your children more responsive and unlikely to do the same thing again. It also maintains a positive relationship no matter how unpleasant the situation is.
A toxic person is akin to a mental bully. They drain your senses and damage your confidence. Who are the victims? It’s usually those who are closest to them like their spouse, children and other family members.
If you’re a victim of a toxic person, you’ll need to learn to protect yourself. Find ways to safeguard your mental health before you get into serious trouble such as depression.
Meanwhile, if you’re the toxic person, find ways to turn the situation around.
Learn to control it and be aware of its damaging effects. Life is more beautiful when we remove what’s toxic. We owe it to our family to create happy days ahead.