The nasi lemak stall
THERE is this nasi lemak stall in Kampung Baru that in my opinion, serves one of the best nasi lemak in Kuala Lumpur. It’s just a low profile place by the main street, with tables and chairs arranged under a large canvas tent, and my Dad has been frequenting it ever since he was a boy living in Kampung Baru.
Born and bred in this area of the bustling city, he claims that the taste of this nasi lemak has not changed one bit in decades, and I believe him.
But despite the fact that I love the nasi lemak there, I rarely go unless Dad is around to take me.
For me, the experience is just not the same without my Dad because whenever he is there eating with me it feels as though I’m getting a glimpse of his life before I existed — his favourite breakfast place, his neighbourhood as he remembers it, and “who lives where” in the kampung, which is not really a “kampung” anymore these days.
That was when I realised that sometimes, I value things not so much because of the thing itself, but because of its association with people who mean a lot to me.
THINGS ARE NOT THINGS
As you grow older, you begin to realise that you are the product of the people in your life. For example, pick something about yourself, such as a habit, a hobby or a preference. Why do you like your Mum’s cooking? The truth is some mothers are terrible cooks, and yet their kids prefer their food over fancy restaurants. Why do you enjoy listening to that specific song? Perhaps it’s because you associate it with a moment in time with another person?
You come across Ultraman on TV and you think of your siblings when you were younger. You eat fries with ketchup because an old roommate taught you and whenever you’re enjoying it, you think of her. You keep tabs on the national dragon boat team because once there was a guy in your life who liked it, and somehow you grew interested in it as well.
Our lives are filled with things that are not just merely things, but a reminder of the “characters” in our stories.
Of course, this is just a simple metaphor to show the effect of people in our lives. On a larger scale, we are moulded by everyone we come into contact with, from our parents who raised us, and the friends who shaped the way we see the world, to the environment at the office.
When I think about it, I was obsessed with science as a kid because my Mum was a science teacher. If that never happened I probably would not have become a geoscientist and everything else that unravelled with that would not have occurred either.
I grew less and less discriminating because of my friends and the people whom I dated, and through them I began to understand different cultures and backgrounds, and, in return, I had more respect towards differences among people as an adult.
Colleagues who provided perspectives of the different sides of the political divide, the neighbour who had cancer and steered me to be more grateful, people in my small hometown who showed me simple lives could be fulfilling — everyone I met, regardless of how small their roles were in my life, have had something to do with how I turned out.
APPRECIATE PEOPLE
People leave. If it’s not the situations in life that take them away, it is the inevitable end of their time. It’s a sad fact, but eventually what we are left with are the marks they leave on us, which manifest as how we think and live our lives.
I once talked to a friend who had lost both parents, and she said that although they were physically gone, they were very much alive in her everyday moments. She arranges the Tupperware cabinet the way her mother always did, a habit she picked up. She has a tendency of giving people the benefit of the doubt, because it’s what her father used to do when he was alive.
In realising this, it also made me think about what kind of mark I would leave on the people around me. Am I a good influence on others? Do I make people’s lives better or worse? Did I make people feel loved, or did I make them feel betrayed?
When my family or friends see things that remind them of me, are these reminders filled with fondness or otherwise?
While appreciating the time we have with the important people in our lives and how they impact us, it’s just as important to be conscious of how we are contributing towards them too. In the end, the quality of our lives are highly dependent on the quality of our relationships.
Hopefully, we will leave a positive mark on others, and someday when we are just memories attached to things, those memories would be good ones.