Preparing for life
grades, children learn that they are valued only because of the grades they get, says associate professor Dr Alvin Ng Lai Oon, a clinical psychologist.
“But what about their talents and potential in other areas? We tend to focus on academics because it’s the most common and easiest thing to do.”
There is so much pressure on children nowadays and if they do something wrong, it’s like the end of the world.
Guilt and shame are very big factors for children becoming anxious and depressed, he adds.
Cheang agrees. He explains that rather than comparing the child with other children, parents should look for progression in the child.
“In other words, compare your child to your child,” says Cheang.
Let the child learn how to improve gradually, break down the intended goal into smaller, more manageable steps instead of pushing the “goal post” so far that the child can’t even imagine reaching it.
“If your child is a C student, for example, teach him to aspire for a B first and put in the work required for that so he learns how to improve gradually. Even if ultimately, he never makes it to an A, he would have learnt so much in the process of trying to get there.”
Cheang adds that to build resilience, one must cultivate a growth mindset in a child.
A growth mindset means the child believes that no matter where he is right now, he can change and grow and hard work will get him there.
This is in contrast to a fixed mindset where the child believes that he will always