FIVE TRAITS OF RESILIENT CHILDREN
remain where he is and cannot change anything.
Cheang explains that in order to develop resilience, we must believe that we can change the outcome or that we can actually do something along the way to improve our situation and ourselves.
“If you don’t believe that you can change something, then you will give up. Unfortunately, in Asian parenting, children are expected to get it right the first time they try something or they mustn’t do it at all.”
Parents should focus on the journey the child undergoes and not just the goal and more importantly, help put things into perspective for the child when he experiences failure.
Cheang says often, both children and even adults are so focused on attaining one particular goal or following one pathway in life that when they fail, they are shattered.
We tend to become overly fixated on one aspect of life and we base the rest of our life on those one or two endeavours.
Cheang stresses that what’s important is that parents remind their child that he or she is so much more than that.
When the child is facing failure, whether it’s in an exam or a relationship break-up, parents can use the situation as a learning opportunity for the child.
“Remind them of how you, the parent sees them and of the other talents and skills the child has and help them look for alternatives to get through the difficult time. Teach them to build their strength and get up again.” — empower children to make their own decisions.
— focus on the best in each child and recognise when he or she has done well. — build a sense of physical and emotional security within your home. Address conflict openly to resolve problems. — demonstrate how behaviours affect others and help your child recognise himself or herself as a caring person. — stress on the importance of serving others by modelling generosity. — develop coping skills to deal with stress and guide your child to develop positive and effective coping strategies. — children who realise that they can control the outcomes of their decisions are more likely to realise that they have the ability to bounce back. — keeps trying despite failures, turning weakness into strength. — bravery/courage to try something new, experiment with the unknown.
— can find quick, clever solutions to thrive in challenging, ever changing environments.
— able to be independent in making decisions.
— ability to quickly respond in a suitable manner to a challenging environment. AUTHORITATIVE (WARMTH AND STRICTNESS) Sets clear rules that children are expected to follow.
Allow for exceptions to these rules.
Teaches children proper behaviour by allowing them some flexibility in making their own decisions.
Good behaviour is reinforced with praise and rewards.
PERMISSIVE (WARMTH BUT NO STRICTNESS) Tends not to discipline their children.
Takes the approach of being a friend rather than a parent.
Less likely to set boundaries and will ignore negative behaviour.
UTHORITARIAN (STRICTNESS BUT NO ARMTH)
Rules are to be followed without exception. No room for negotiation because parents believe they know best.
No explanation for the reasons behind the rules.
UNINVOLVED (NEITHER WA RMTH NOR STRICTNESS)
Neglects children by not meeting even their basic needs.
Expects children to raise themselves.
Typically lacks knowledge about parenting and may feel overwhelmed about life in general.
meera@mediaprima.com.my