High demand for marriage counselling in China
SHANGHAI: From a small office here, marriage counsellor Zhu Shenyong, 44, livestreams advice over several phones simultaneously to an attentive audience keen to save their relationships.
On his wall hangs the mantra: “Let there be no bad marriages under heaven.” But in the earthly realities of modern China, divorce rates are surging and Zhu’s services are in high demand.
“Chinese marriage counselling is mostly like treating late-stage cancer,” said Zhu, explaining the majority of his clients arrive in “absolute crisis”.
“Only a minority are considering divorce, but want advice on whether it’s the right thing to do.”
Earlier this year, Zhu went viral after claiming that he makes US$154,000 a year.
Now he pulls up to 500 viewers whenever he goes online, in a mission he describes as to “avoid unnecessary divorces”.
But he is also a realist who strives to help couples find the softest landing as a relationship breaks up, for the sake of their children.
The number of registered divorces in China reached a record 8.6 million last year, almost double the 2019 total and eclipsing the number of marriage registrations for the first time, according to government data. After decades of the “one-child policy”, China faces a stark gender imbalance with 30 million more men than women. Coupled with rock-bottom birth rates, a demographic crisis is looming on the horizon.
Family pressure to wed early, the competitive grind of urban life, skyrocketing house prices, inadequate childcare and career support for mothers — all these are fraying marriages, especially among the younger generation who prioritise personal freedom.
“From a positive perspective, divorce is a manifestation of civilised society and of women’s awakening,” Zhu said, adding that affairs and money problems were also prime triggers for divorce.
With the birth rate nosediving, The Lancet recently predicted China’s population could halve by 2100, falling behind India and Nigeria. Lawmakers last year introduced a mandatory 30-day cooling-off period for divorce by agreement, which previously could be settled within a day.
The aim was to prevent impulsive divorces, but rights advocates fear it is trapping women in abusive marriages as it can be extended indefinitely if one side refuses to agree.
“The ‘divorce cooling-off period’ has become a ‘divorce abuse period’, which deviates from its original purpose,” said Guangzhou marriage lawyer Wang Youbai.
“It’s extremely unfair to sufferers of domestic violence, who are eager to escape from their unhappy marriages.”
The other method, divorce by court litigation, usually takes one to two years, said Beijing marriage lawyer Yi Yi, with significantly higher costs.
Many Chinese provinces have rolled out state-organised counselling for tens of thousands of couples, including newlyweds and marriages on the verge of a breakdown.
In central Wuhan, city authorities attributed the cooling-off period to rescuing almost twothirds of the marriages of the 3,096 couples who applied for divorce in January alone.