How do couples live in tiny homes without killing each other?
MOST couples I know wouldn’t consider sharing a studio apartment. When my partner and I decided to move in together, we weighed the options of my centrally located studio versus his slightly distant onebedroom. We ultimately decided on the latter, thinking that the lack of walls and personal space would be a deal-breaker.
Other co-habiting city couples have similar concerns. “What if we’re in a fight? What if you get food poisoning?!” They find comfort in having a wall.
But then, Instagram and Pinterest are full of the dreamy depictions of happy couples who - by choice! - live in quirky dwellings gone miniature: house boats, #vanlife and tiny houses. In particular, the tiny-house movement has stretched its legs since its initial boom. Not just for HGTV-happy hipsters anymore, couples and families who have made these tight quarters work.
So what can the intimacyfearing and space-obsessed learn from couples who embrace a tinyhouse lifestyle? I wasn’t sure. So I asked some. You lose private space, material possessions, separate bathrooms and fullsize appliances. But what do you gain?
For the most part, the tinyhouse owners I spoke to found that the financial freedom they found from moving into smaller quarters directly benefited their relationships. And for the lack of sectioned space and stairways, they seemed pretty happy.
“I really think the biggest thing is that we’ve found that we’ve been able to have a balance, of that time of alone and together,” said Emily Gerde, 32, who lives in a 325-square-foot home with her husband, Justin, 32, and their three-year-old son Ryan, a dog and four cats. About a year ago, the family traded a four-bedroom home for their tiny house in southern Minnesota. In return, they now have more time to spend with each other rather than spending it on cleaning and maintaining their larger home.
“In the big house, (we were) frantically trying to get by. I never had alone time, because there always was something to do,” Emily said. “The tiny house has given us freedom and has helped our relationship get closer. (Justin’s) commute was 45 minutes one way. You double that, times it by five days, four weeks a month, and you get a couple days back. It’s been a huge blessing. We have both self-care and together time now.”
In the past year, they’ve moved their tiny house twice to plots of land closer to Justin’s workplace. “To follow our dream jobs, it would take us literally a day to move,” Gerde explained. “You don’t even have to pack up.” OK, but what if you need alone time? Everyone needs alone time, even happy healthy couples.
“I think there have been those occasions where I’m so angry that it frustrates me to hear him doing stuff in the house,” admitted Alexis Stephens, 33, who lives in a 130-square-foot tiny house with her romantic and filmmaking partner, 41-yearold Christian Parsons. “Some sulking has happened, but it’s a good time to encourage going outside the house for a walk. The outdoors is the biggest room available.”
Stephens and Parsons travelled with their tiny house across 27 states working on their documentary, “Tiny House Expedition,” adding a constant change of scenery to the mix, which has also aided in conflict resolution. That kind of anger “doesn’t happen a ton,” Parsons added. “But it feels like we talk it out more because you can’t hide in this house.” How do you make the small space conducive to you as a couple?
Gerde is currently working on a book about minimalist living and home-schools their son, so custom workspace and storage were built-in to tuck their school supplies away after-hours. A length-spanning bench was also custom-made to inspire family time. “Lots of tiny houses have a love seat, but we can’t fit all four of us on there.”
The couple’s tiny house is designed based on their life plans - a factor that she said is very telling. “A lot of couples have trouble (with tiny-house living) because they didn’t think about the future. But we designed ours with a family in mind,” Gerde explained. “We wanted it to accommodate pets and another kid, and meet our needs specifically.”
For AJ Zamora, 43, who lives in a Napa, California, tiny house with her wife, China Rose, 38, keeping their spare time rituals alive was imperative to their design. Rather than lofting their European queen-size bed, they built a mechanical bed that lowers down from the ceiling and rests on top of kitchen counters so they could enjoy weekend lounging.
“We knew we loved relaxing together and we felt (a loft bed) could mean feeling cramped in your own space and not wanting to spend time in it,” China Rose explained. But what if the relationship doesn’t work out?
Tiny houses aren’t exempt from breakups. Film makers Merete Mueller and Christopher Carson Smith decided to build a 124-square-foot house in Colorado in 2011 and made a documentary about it called, “Tiny: A Story About Living Small.” The film and tiny house were both relative successes the documentary hit the indie circuit, the house still stands strong today - but Mueller moved to New York after a month, and the couple broke up a year later.
“We started working on the film, and we both were super invested in and it occupied both of our lives,” said Mueller, now 32. “And for me, I was just excited by the prospect of seeing a house come together from scratch.”